Haunting Me
by DanieRF
Summary: Yet another theory on what happens between Acts 2 and 3 in the game. Fenris can't get Hawke out of his mind, is searching for his sister, and working through his own personal issues. Complications of a magical nature force his relationship into a whole new light for them both. Fenris/Female Hawke.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters contained herein that courtesy is bestowed upon Bioware bless their hearts for making these addictive games.

A/N: Okay so I have reread what I wrote and I'm not happy. I'm going back through it with a more critical eye and fixing what I see as problems. Don't freak if you've already read this story it will essentially be the same just 'clearer'.

I am absolutely obsessed with Fenris and have played the game upteen times (noticed some people were writing without playing you are seriously missing out!). I wrote this listening to a YouTube video called "Dragon Age 2: Lilium" beautiful. I suggest other Fenris fans to give it a listen. And "Dragon Age 2: Love the way you lie". This story is written in between the 2nd and 3rd acts. Also I intend to get steamy with this so... you have been warned. Oh, and I don't particularly care for Anders I like him but he annoys me so he may not come out smelling quite like a rose.

Warning: In case you didn't read the above. There are definitely steamy bits. However I demarked the beginning and end with something so you would know where to stop and start if you want to bypass those for those people with delicate sensibilities. Others of us, I would suspect there are a few.. who would like to skip there and maybe read the rest later. Lol.

Haunting Me

Chapter One

He never should have left he knew that now. Turning on his small bed, he refused to answer the insistent call of his flesh to the dreams he was suffering from yet again. He had only to close his eyes and her piercing blue eyes were staring into his, her breath heavy from exertion. _Ugh_, he thought to himself, _I'm up. I'm up. _Running a bare hand through his silver-white hair, he pulled it back wet with sweat.

Digging beneath his bed he grasped the bottle of wine that was really never far from reach anymore. Taking a quick, deep pull on the bottle the musky taste of the wine settled into the back of his throat thickly. The sun would be hours yet before rising yet he knew sleep would either evade him or torment him as it had for months.

Hawke. Hawke. Hawke. All he ever thought about was her. Her body. Her hands. Her face. Her hair. Her eyes. It was damnably infuriating. Her voice was so soft and encouraging when speaking to him or any of her friends, harsh and vicious in battle. Pulling out his armour, he started rubbing oil into the leathers. This was his ritual any more. Sleep two, maybe three, hours and then work on his armour until dawn. If he worked it any more it would be so soft as to be useless he thought to himself.

When the sun finally rose, he donned his armour and stretched feeling it settle comfortably and familiarly onto his skin. Stepping outside, he kept to the shadows. If he were quick he could see her through the windows of her mansion. Leaning against the stone pillar outside her home, he saw the curtains being pulled back. Then there she was. A white shift clung to her curves as she leaned against the glass glaring into the early morning light. He didn't worry she saw him as the shadows kept him well concealed. He drank in the sight of her sleep rumpled hair and foggy expression. She was so different from everyone else. She actually listened when someone talked to her, her eyes never wavered when you had her attention. She had a way of making you feel like everything else could wait until you were ready, that you were important and worthy of her time.

"I thought I would find you here."

"Isabella." Fenris growled. "What, pray tell, are you doing here?" Embarrassment and surprise colored his words more harshly than he meant them to come out.

"Oh, you know, just perusing random windows." She smirked at him, "Her neighbor across the way likes to strut about in the buff, quite a nice view." Looking up at Hawke's window, then back to him she said, "But there is a nice view to be had there as well."

"I had not noticed. I was on my way to the docks." He tried lying, unsuccessfully, if he judged by the pirate's expression.

She raised her brow, but left the blatant fib alone. "Picked up work from Meeran where Hawke left off?"

"No." Fenris turned and headed to the stairs.

Isabella hurried behind him to catch up. "So, who do you work for? I've heard you refused Varric, Aveline, and Sebastian's offers of pay for services rendered." She waggled her brows suggestively.

Fenris sighed. "I pick up odd jobs here and there."

"I find it's easy to make coin doing a few tricks here and there."

"I doubt I would be up to the 'tricks' you ply for your coin Isabella." Fenris shuddered to think of how often she went to the healers for whatever she happened to have picked up that week. Hawke had been his first. Watching her and listening to rumors about her, also the odd comment from Varric had led him to believe he had been hers as well. She had had no one before or since himself. It tore him up to think of her being with someone else but also ate him with guilt that she wasn't moving on and giving herself to others. Not that he could stand to be near the person who found themselves worthy of her and her time.

"There you go brooding again." Isabella commented. "Why don't you go back there and let her know how you feel? Or if you won't go to her... I wouldn't mind a tumble." She thrust her dusky breasts forward as she stretched her arms behind her. He could just hear the cotton crying from the strain it was enduring.

"Isabella," He sighed, "I cannot."

"Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me." She winked as she flounced off. He rolled his eyes as she wiggled her bottom a little more suggestively as she went.

Down by the docks, the salt in the air was refreshing. Crisp. Going to the foreman he picked up the orders for the day. Guarding well-funded merchant ships was easy coin and mindless. Pickpockets and thieves found his appearance intimidating and invariably left whatever dockside he was working alone. It also had the benefit of giving him time to think. When he worked the docks, he tried not to draw parallels in this work and when he had served guests for Denarius. The underlying fear of passersby was the same although the expressions were not. The magisters always had a note of jealousy colouring their looks. They wanted him for their own pet. The regular thieves and cutpurses generally sized him up as too hard a mark.

Errand boys found him mid-morning. Still no message received about Varriana. He was beginning to think Hadrianna had made the whole thing up. She would have done anything to save her filthy hide. He frowned, he should have known better than to have listened to that whore. It was such a pain, this unknowing, this waiting. He was so tired of it. With Hadrianna dead, he knew that Denarius was never going to stop until he got the markings back. She had been his star pupil after all, always pandering to Denarius's every whim. It couldn't have changed much since he had left. If it had she would never have thought to try to seek him out for herself. No doubt she thought the accolades she would receive from apprehending Denarius's prized bodyguard were well worth the effort. He thought with disgust on his life before Hawke. Denarius kept him always within arms reach, made him tear out the hearts of innocents simply for the pleasure of watching him glow and the added bonus of company viewing in awe and fear.

After the last shipment was loaded, darkness was falling.

Wicked grace was on for tonight. He wasn't sure if he could manage not to lose the few coins he had earned during the day. Focus did not seem to be his strong suit lately. He also knew that if he did not show up Varric would invariably find his way into his mansion and poke and prod harder than if he actually showed up. He had already cancelled with Donnic the past few weeks and that was already a subject of discussion he was sure.

Walking the side streets and back alleys, always staying to the shadows, his thoughts drifted towards Hawke once more. He knew Anders was making daily trips from darktown to see her in her mansion. _So much for worrying about the damned templars catching him. Not when he thinks he has a chance to get what he's been panting after for almost two years now. _Fenris had to stop and close his eyes to stem the tide of fury radiating through his chest. His anger was now an almost constant companion through his thoughts. Whether against himself or others, it really didn't matter, the rage was there.. just simmering beneath the surface. It festered inside him, except when he was with her. It had felt so good. So very good to be held and feel the touch of another's embrace. Really it felt good to have a physical connection with someone who cared about him. Not that he deserved it. The panic that had set in when he lay with her in his arms was almost crippling. She was sleeping and he was contented tracing the contours of her face and body while she slept, enamoured with the novelty of their coupling.

Then like lightning from no where flashes of bright red hair, sunshine, a garden. Laughter. _Leo? What was it she said? What did she call me!_ A deep feeling of affection came from no where. It startled him. If he were honest, it scared him.

His eyes had opened and seen Hawke lying there. Her face seemed so innocent and relaxed, something he didn't see when she was out and about. Her calm focus she wore in front of everyone else was gone. His chest swelled with emotion, he felt he couldn't breathe. Turning his back to her and closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and drew in the smell of their lovemaking, her room, her.. He stood and picked up a silk handkerchief laid on the dresser. Wrapping it around his wrist he stood by the fire thinking until she awoke.

_Why did I even leave? It wasn't even her fault. She loved me and I ran from her like a scalded cat. Pathetic._ Walking through the entrance to the Hanged Man, he could smell her. Faint, but there. Eyes scanning the room, he looked for her but did not see. Sitting at their usual table in Varric's room, Fenris waited for his other friends to show. Isabella flounced in and sat opposite him. She reeked of Hawke. She stared intently at him from under her lids.

"Don't look at me like that Fenris." Isabella tossed her hair over her shoulder as she dug a pack of cards from her bosom.

It was chewing him up not asking about it. Then Varric and Anders came in talking about cats or the lack there-of. "So, Rivaini, what did Hawke say to your proposal?" Varric asked nonchalantly. Taking his seat at the head of the table, he brought out the score books. She continued shuffling the cards, her lips pursed. Looking at Isabella, he waited. "I can wait all night Rivaini."

"All right. So I went to high town." She sighed, her jewelry tinkled as she shrugged her shoulders.

Varric barked a laugh. "You mean the infamous temptress was shot down?" He rocked back in his chair chuckling still. "Didn't see that one. Thought maybe she had gotten a taste for.." He eyed Fenris. "..things." Shaking his head, he gestured for Isabella to deal.

Staring at the cards in his hands, Fenris mulled over what had been said. Did Isabella offer herself or did she say what she had seen in the morning? Hearing Isabella sneeze and tuck her hand, he caught her wrist. "I don't think we're going to cheat this evening."

"Spoil sport. Can't give a girl a break?"

Fenris snorted. "Isabella if we all cut you a break we would all be broke." Varric laughed from the head of the table while Isabella pouted prettily.

Hours later, he raked in a few more sovereigns and stood. Isabella was slumped over the table her head resting on her forearms napping already. Varric looked at him. "Elf, take it easy on her would you?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. I'm also sure it's none of your buisiness." Fenris straightened his back.

"It's obvious you're going to see Hawke. I worry about her." Varric looked to the fireplace. "She deflects with humor occasionally, but it has to hurt having lost everything you valued in the world." Fenris inhaled sharply. "Carver and Bethany gone to darkspawn. Leandra gone to blood magic.. you." Varric's golden gaze bored into his green ones. "All Bianca and I are trying to do is be there for her as she needs us."

"Yes, well, seeing as how your brother had a hand in that I can see your concern. Hawke generally makes her own decisions as she sees fit." Fenris sighed, rubbed his fingers against his chin. He felt a shit for throwing Bartrand up in Varric's face. "I didn't want to leave her dwarf." It was as close to an apology as he was willing to go.

"So then don't leave her elf." Getting up, Varric signaled the conversation was done.

Fenris nodded and turned to leave. Squaring his shoulders as if for battle, he walked out the doors of the Hanged Man. The cool stone felt good on the soles of his feet. _She will turn you away as well. It's no less than you deserve after leaving her like that. Do you not even realize it is the middle of the night? She is no doubt in bed. _The more he thought about her, the faster he went until he was running. Stopping in the courtyard outside her home, he drew in a deep breath. The panic threatened to overwhelm him. Shaking his head, he strode boldly to the door and knocked.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited for someone to answer. He thought about turning around and leaving then changed his mind again. He felt both stupid and hopeful that things could be worked on maybe said. Then she opened the door. He drank in the sight of her. Her hair mussed from lying in bed, her pristine blue eyes registering confusion and.. maybe something else? "Fenris?" She stood back from the door and he could see she was wearing only her thin shift he had seen this morning. She pulled her hands through her hair, straightening it. He noticed the way her breasts moved beneath her underclothes in response to her movements.

"I, ah, I thought to come see you." She gestured for him to come in. He faltered. "I was thinking on what you said about Shartan." He looked down at the floor. His bare feet were filthy and leaving footprints on her floor. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have disturbed your rest."

"You're not disturbing me, Fenris." She looked hesitant, then took his hand. "Let's go into the library to talk so as to not wake the others."

Allowing her to lead him, he relished the touch of her hand on his. Cool and soft her fingers held onto his roughened palm. He noticed the decorative vase he had given her sitting on her desk opposite the fireplace. She sat him in one of her plush chairs and took one across from him. The silence stretched and she seemed content enough to let it be until he was ready.

"I would like to.. to read." He coughed and looked at the figure above the fireplace studying it intently as he waited for her to laugh or deny him.

"Fenris, that's wonderful." He turned and saw her smiling at him. Turning she brought out a book and laid it in his lap. Flipping through the pages, he discovered they were all blank. He frowned and looked at her. "Is there something I'm missing?"

"No. We are going to fill it. It's how I learned and I thought it might work for you." She smiled again. "My mother would sit at the table with the three of us and show us our letters. We would copy them and learn what each one sounded like." Her eyes unfocused as she recalled memories from her past. Curious he waited. "Father would be working in the living room and mother would have us in the kitchen studying while she fixed lunch or dinner."

He leaned back in the chair, listening and imagining her memories. It felt intimate, this sharing of her past, something he longed for and wanted for his own and she was giving him freely. "What was it like?"

"What was what like, Fenris?" She got up and walked to the wine rack in the corner. Selecting a bottle she brought back a single glass. Putting it in front of him she filled it up and set the bottle beside it.

"Growing up with your family all around you," he started. Reaching for the glass, he swirled the wine around and around waiting for her answer.

She took in a deep breath before answering. He worried it might be much to ask of her after she had lost everything as Varric had so helpfully pointed out earlier, but a light smile played around her lips as she traced nothing circles on the top of the desk beside them. "Father worried about the templars, of course, but we were happy." She looked at him. "He loved us, we grew up knowing that. He and mother would laugh.. there were times when they would look at each other and you could see how they felt for each other." There was wistfulness in her face he had never seen before. Shaking her head to clear it, "So did you want to start learning tonite or did you want to come back tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry you should be resting and I'm disturbing you." He got up to go.

She grabbed his wrist, quickly, and stood with him. "You don't have to leave, Fenris."

Stepping in closer to her, he could feel the heat radiating off her body. He could smell desire rolling up her body. "Yes. I do." He paused at the door. "I will be back." She nodded as he left.

Bodhan saw him to the door. "What time should we expect you tomorrow, serah?"

"I don't know." The air outside the mansion was brisk, clearing. Shaking his head trying to dispel the feeling that he should go back in and beg her forgiveness just to lie at her side one more time, he straightened his back and walked determinedly to his own home. Coming into the foyer, there was a marked difference between his place and hers. It was cold here. Walking through the dark, navigating by the scant light coming from the moon outside the windows, he went upstairs to light the fire in his fireplace. He laid the logs on the grate; crumpled papers scattered around the floor and jammed them under the logs. Pulling his legs up to his chest, he closed his eyes and laid his head on his knees. Why didn't she hate him? Why was she still attracted to him? He was in no way deserving of her attentions. He had embarrassed himself and her by leaving. Their companions were constantly harping on it. It almost felt like a rotten tooth that you just couldn't stop worrying with your tongue. Push, push, push.

He was waiting for her to come home. He had walked down the mountains on his own thinking of what he had said to her. She hadn't deserved what he said, he realized that now. She cared for him, he was sure. She hadn't wasted a minute when the slavers had come for him. There was a darkness that came over her face when he told her of Hadrianna, almost a fury. And he had barked at her, like _she_ had committed those atrocities against him.

He would apologize as soon as she came home. Bohdan wouldn't quit fussing over him until he looked at the dwarf and Bohdan found something else far more interesting to occupy his time. Finally she came through the door. Instead of being angry with him, she was more concerned for him and how he was. It was confusing. Trying to explain to her how things felt and how they were with him, it just felt wrong sullying her with this hate.

When she grasped the bare skin of his forearm, it was like something snapped. He forgot who he was for a moment. Panic set in when he saw he had her pinned up against the wall. Her eyes were darkened and a flush was crawling up the delicate skin of her throat. He let go instantly and she threw herself into him. Her soft lips crushed against his. Her tongue sought his and rubbed against it as if waging a war. Surprised he pulled back, only to have her kiss the juncture between his neck and shoulder, nipping and licking her way up to his ear. Gripping her bottom, he ground his erection against her while she gasped in his ear tugging on the lobe with her teeth. "Fenris." He wasn't sure if his name was a curse or a benediction from her.

Leading him by the hand, she drew him slowly upstairs. The servants were conspicuously missing all the way through the foyer, up the stairs, and into her room. The fire was lit and the room was warm. He stood still in the middle of the room unsure of what to do. She waited in front of him a few feet away. Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse and let it fall from her shoulders to the floor. Her chest moved rapidly with her breath. Her breasts strained under her bodice. She unbuckled her belt holding her skirt up next. It too fell to the floor. Stepping free of her clothes, she shoved them behind her with her foot. Reaching behind herself, he heard the snap of her clasps. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her bodice fall away. Her pink nipples were already hard.

Moving forward, so slowly, so as to give him another chance to deny her, as if he could at this point, she slid her hands from his shoulders to the gauntlets covering his hands. Working his buckles on the left one first, she pulled it free from his hand. Then she turned to the other. Once his hands were free, she looked at his face for askance. He nodded slightly, she traced her fingers down his brands until her left was interlaced with his right hand and her right hand grasped his left wrist. Lifting his hand, she placed it on her breast and sighed when he squeezed gently.

He brought his other hand forward and touched her throat. Trailing his fingers over her collarbone, he only stopped when they circled her nipples. Bending forward at the waist, he grasped one between his teeth and bit, gently, alternately suckling on her. Her fingers were busy at his breastplate, loosening it from his shoulders and putting it to the side. Her hands then fisted in his hair as he backed her up to the bed, lowering her down onto her back and kissing her everywhere he could think of. Her fingers unlatched the buckles holding his leathers together. Then her palms were flat on his chest rubbing and groping.

Shrugging free of his armor, she sat up watching him. He stared into her eyes as he slid his pants down his thighs. His erection strained against his underclothes. She trembled a little as she reached forward and grasped the band of his clothes, pulling him forward by the hips. Sliding free of her panties, he could smell her sex. Lying back, she held her arms out to him. Crawling on top of her, she wrapped her legs about his waist and drew his hips flush to hers. Her heat and wetness instantly went through his underclothes. Kissing her mouth, she opened her lips and he ran his tongue along the roof of her mouth.

Her feet hooked the top of his underwear and pushed them off his hips. His velvety length was suddenly lying right against her mound. He ground forward gasping at the sensation. Opening her legs wider, she guided him inside her. "If you are sure," he started to say.

She pressed her lips against his. "Fenris, I can't... Please, now." Her hands grasped his shoulders as she writhed under his body. Slowly, he pushed into her. She gripped him tightly, her body shaking, "Oh, oh, please, please..." she hissed. Pushing in he felt resistance, pulling back he pushed harder and broke through. Her head thrust back and she gripped his biceps. Drawing his hips back, he thrust again.

Her moans echoed around the room becoming louder with each thrust. Her hips rose from the mattress to meet his every thrust. Then suddenly her back bowed off the bed bringing him with her, she clamped down upon his member hard. He felt like he exploded inside her.

He awoke stiff and on his side lying in the filthy floor. He found he had climaxed in his sleep. His underclothes were stiff with it. Unfortunately, it had not meant he awoke any less aroused. Not even bothering with the set fireplace, he crawled into bed to toss and turn until dawn.

A/N: So I couldn't resist putting in what I thought happened while they were loving eachother in Act 2. *Shrugs* what Fenris fan can blame me? Any way, I tried to keep his voice in my head the whole time I was writing this and keeping to his brooding demeanor. Unfortunately, what he thinks about is purely speculation based upon what information you can glean from the game while you play. Hopefully you liked it, if not.. write your own. I'll go for more as I would like to explore how he found out about Varianna and the hopes he nourishes for that. I would also like to deepen his relationship with Hawke while I'm at it. It's just hard to believe that during the three year interim they don't talk, don't interact with each other you know? I mean when he apologizes she says he "didn't want to talk about it" which implies to me that they did meet in times that they don't show during the game. Granted there is A LOT of dialogue in the game and if they put in everything the fans wanted after playing it the first time some people may not have finished it as was. Ah well.. I like thinking too much I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the character contained herein. They are owned by Bioware.

A/N: (I only corrected things up to the 'scene' later in this chapter. They're minor corrections no big deal.) Okay so I was listening to "Dragon Age 2 | Illuminated" for this one. (Youtube) There is another steamy scene. It is kind of violent so if that bothers you I am sorry and maybe you should keep an eye out for the next time he goes to her house so you can skip to the end. I can't contain myself really. I only recently posted the first chapter so I have no inkling whether or not it will be favorably reviewed or not. Apparently, I can't say I don't want constructive criticism, so if you feel so moved.. be gentle. My ego is fragile as is. I think I really like how I'm expressing Fenris's thought patterns it's pretty much how I'm gaining my own understanding of the character. As I'm writing these I'm playing through for the fifth or sixth time on my xbox. Not to mention when this first came out and I wouldn't leave it alone on my playstation either lol. Unfortunately, I can't seem to make myself romance any one else besides Fenris in these games. Honestly I have no idea of the dialogue between Hawke and the other characters while romancing them so I will just kind of toe around what my guesses are.

Haunting Me

Chapter Two

He opened his eyes on a bright room. He had slept through the night for the first time in weeks. Months since he had slept enough, really, if he were going to be honest with himself. Moving around, he was reminded of his incident during the night. Getting up, he stripped off his armor and underclothes. He went downstairs in the buff carrying his soiled clothes. Bucket by bucket, he filled a wash tub with mildly warm water. Grabbing the bar of soap off the counter he got in first. Scrubbing the harsh bar across his skin until it was red. Dunking his head, he scraped his fingers through his scalp roughly. Once he finished, he stood and shook off what water he could from himself. Throwing his underclothes into the bath, he immediately saw the water was grey with the filth from his body.

He rubbed the fabric against itself, trying in vain to get the stiffness out of the crotch of the pants. Taking the bar of soap, he put it in the fabric and rubbed it around until it seemed like they were clean enough. Pulling them free, he wrung them dry and hung them over the sink on a wooden dowel rod. He pulled a banana off the counter, peeled it and ate it in three bites. He couldn't remember the last time he was hungry.

He straightened his hair with his fingers. The excess water beaded down his back. Going back upstairs he dug in his pile of clothing laid in the bottom of the closet to find clean underclothes. Today he would follow up on Aveline's tips of slavers in the mountain area. First he would go to the Hanged Man and find Varric or Isabella to go with him. A nagging voice in the back of his head wouldn't leave Hawke's name out of it. He wouldn't ask her. She would more than likely help him, but it was taking all his courage to show up again tonight to learn to read from her. It wasn't that she made him feel stupid for not knowing or acted superior because she did know. It was more that depending on someone, no matter the circumstances, was something he was not comfortable with except in the direst of times. He walked the shadows and stood outside her windows again. Looking up, he knew she would still be sleeping; he had kept her up so late the night before. However, her curtains were already opened and the windows were as well. Sandal stood with her rug hanging out the window, beating it against the stone side of the building. Maybe he really had slept too late in the day.

Heading back to the stairs, he thought on his dreams the night before. She was so full of passion, just for him, during that night. He could still feel her hands burning through his hair, over his back, caressing his chest. It would take his breath and his concentration if he thought on it too much harder.

He thought of the messengers he had sent after his sister. He would not receive another message for a few weeks. Maybe time enough for him to have a vague grasp of what their notes said, instead of having to pay someone to read them to him. It would feel gratifying to feel more in control of the search and not have to depend upon strangers to perform services for him that were beyond him for the moment. What would it be like to have a sister even? Would she recognize him? He had been enslaved to Denarius for so long. When he had first lain eyes on Denarius, his hair had been a sharp black, his beard well managed and his body strapping and young. The years had not been kind to the man. His hair had grayed, his body had sagged, and lines had appeared on his face where before there were none. He knew Denarius had taken liberties with his magic, but to see someone so aged in such a little time was still startling. He had shuddered thinking that when Denarius's short life was going to end, Fenris was going to be willed into Hadrianna's care.

Coming to low town, he heard the merchants barking their wares, Fereldan refugees ushering their children to and fro from stand to stand picking up what was needed with the few coins they had. The people were grimy and filthy. They smelled of sweat and the smoke of the foundries that their husbands no doubt were working during the night to avoid the inspectors during the day. The smell of desperation permeated the air. Most of them wouldn't think of simple necessities such as bathing, they were far more concerned with putting another meal on the table before the end of the day. He sympathized with them. Living hand-to-mouth had been his regular mode of operation before Hawke. He shook his head catching the sly way his inner workings seemed to always bring him around to her.

Making his way to the Hanged Man, Fenris pushed through the entrance. He could hear Isabella laughing from where he stood the front of the building. She must be trashed already, he thought to himself. Of course a hangover would never deign to ruin her day. But then if he thought about it, was she ever really sober? If you stayed buzzed all the time a hangover would never catch up with you. He maneuvered through the morning crowds there for the mystery soup, which by the smell seemed to be goat today.

"So there were two mage apprentices at the Circle. They're talking to each other about learning to minimize damage from falls by slowing their descent as they go down.

"One says, 'so how did your training go?'

"And the other says, 'well the instructor ordered me to jump when it was my turn.. and I refused. He said to me 'if you don't jump I'm going to cram my fist so far up your ass you'll taste my fingers for a month!'

"The other acts shocked, 'well did you jump?'

"He shakes his head and says, 'a little.. at first.'" Isabella holds her stomach as she laughs raucously at her own humor.

Then he hears Her laugh. "Oh Isabella! You are so rotten! That was actually pretty funny." He hesitated at the foot of the stairs. "I really do have to go though." Her voice had sobered much from it's previous joviality. "Gamlen has things of mother's he wants me to sort through. Although, I want to thank you for your advice, Anders, I will have to think on how to go about that though."

His stomach turned rancid thinking of her asking advice from that pompous ass. He hurried up the stairs so as to not be caught eavesdropping. "Anytime, Hawke." Fenris rolled his eyes. If the mage sounded any more desirous of her, he would be crawling around behind her on hand and foot. Which brought the uncomfortable thought of what did he sound like when talking to her?

He had almost made it to Varric's room when she came striding out almost knocking into him. He reached out to steady her as she lost her balance. "Oh Fenris! I'm sorry I was in such a hurry." She smiled up at him. It was so hard to get air when she was so near him. He released her and stepped back. "I look forward to seeing you when you get the time tonight."

His verdant green eyes bored into hers. "I do as well." He sketched a curt bow and stepped aside for her to carry through. Taking a deep breath, she gave him his space and walked out. He watched her hindquarters sway beneath her dress as she walked out the door. Turning, Anders was in his face. "What do you want, mage?" Fenris barked out gruffly.

"Eyeing her pretty hard aren't you?" Anders sneered at him.

"Panting after what is not your own again?" Fenris retorted.

Anders leaned his tall, broad body back against the wall crossing his arms as he did so. "If I recall correctly, you left her. You bloody fool."

Fenris snarled at him. "What _is_ between Hawke and I will remain so, mage." His voice was cold and clipped, he was barely inches from Anders's face.

"What _was_ between the two of you, is quite the topic of discussion. I shouldn't be surprised if she shows up at the clinic later on in the day, if this morning were any indication. After all, she came to ME for advice." He sniffed and looked down his nose at Fenris.

_Calm, stay calm. Don't tear out his throat. If that is what Hawke wants to do with her time, may she be happy._ He nodded to Anders. "If you will excuse me, mage," He bowed sarcastically to him. "I have actual business to attend to." Turning, he gave Anders not another glance. Stepping into Varric's room he saw Isabella smirking at the dwarf. Varric shook his head. Fenris sat in the chair to Varric's left picking up the tankard as he sat. Draining it in one long swallow, he grimaced. "So I came to ask if either or both of you would like to take out a nest of slavers with me."

"Not even going to ask about what Anders was saying?" Varric's golden gaze met his. About his lips hung a smirk. His beard stubble was more prevalent today.

"Why? If that mage is what she wants, I will not stand in the way of her happiness." Fenris shrugged. "I did not come here to discuss Hawke."

"Maybe you should." Isabella said smiling.

"Just don't jump to conclusions, elf. That's all I'm saying. If I know Hawke, or Blondie for that matter, I doubt you have anything to worry about. When Hawke wants something or someone-"

"She stays the course." Isabella interrupted Varric. She tossed her hair back. "But if you want company I would gladly spend the day alone with a handsome elf." Her lip stud caught the light glinting as she spoke.

Fenris nodded then looked to Varric. "I suppose I have nothing better to do with my time. Edwina!" The serving woman came into the room with a full tankard. "I think I love you woman."

"Keep your hands to yourself you sodding dwarf." She gruffed at him.

"I'm stepping out for the day; let me know if anyone comes looking for me while I'm out would you?" He picked up the ale and knocked it back breathing out a fuming breath after he did so. "Well let's get into some trouble shall we?"

It was hours outside of the city before they found the signs he was looking for. Camps hastily made and unmade by lazy hands. He could smell sweat and fear as they examined the campsites. When he finally heard the whimpers of captive innocents, it was all he could do not to explode on the spot. He motioned quietly for Isabella to flank them and Varric to take the high ground.

Once they signaled they were in position, he let out a howl and rushed into the clearing. He managed to swing and cleave two heads from their bodies before the others were up and coming for him. One to his right fell with a bolt protruding from his throat. Heaving his weight behind his bastard sword, he went halfway into the body of another slaver. Isabella appeared at his left backstabbing another that was going hell-bent for leather for him. The slaver fell chocking on his own blood in his death throes.

Fenris's body lit up along his scars, he was a blue monstrosity on the battlefield. Their weapons passed through his body missing everything. The slavers looked at each other terrified. Some turned and ran only to have Varric shoot them in the back killing them instantly.

Breathing heavily, he went to the would-be slaves. "Are you all right?" The children were crying, the women cringing from him. He was covered in the blood of his enemies. He must present a horrible visage to these suffering people.

Isabella came up behind him. "You guys are alright now. You're free to go." She kept her voice gentle and reassuring.

A boy of no more than twelve stood. "Thank you messeire, but we have no idea where our homes are any more."

"Are any of you not from Kirkwall?" Several hands hesitantly rose. "Do any of you have family there you can stay with until you make your way back?"

All but two nodded. "Alright. You will come back with us and someone will help you find your way home. There are places you can stay the night."

It was much, much slower going back with so many people in tow. It was dark by the time they reached low town. He took the humans to Lirene, she would see to it that they were taken care of. The handful of elfish children he took to the alienage. Taking them to Fenriel's mother he left them in her care. She seemed a lonely woman since her son had left for the Circle. If he understood correctly, Fenriel blamed his mother for being locked in with the templars. Really with the example of what Merrill had done with her clan, he didn't trust them to guide the young man in a manner of controlling himself even slightly. It seemed to him they let Merrill do as she pleased and then acted upset when she dealt with what they considered 'other' themselves. Fools.

Isabella smirked at him, "Have fun up there in high town. Although, I still don't understand why you don't want an uncomplicated tumble at the Hanged Man." She sighed as if it were her terrible burden to bear that he wouldn't sleep with her.

He shook his head. "I think I'll pass."

Isabella sauntered off. Varric looked up at him. "You know you wouldn't be doing bad to come work for me." He paused, "I'm not going to harp at you for it. Look, just take it easy on Hawke."

"You've already warned me once dwarf. Just because you're so low to the ground doesn't mean I can't hear you." Varric laughed and turned to follow the pirate. "I would rather die than hurt her." Varric hesitated with his next step but didn't turn to look at him as he carried on.

He made his wandering way back to high town avoiding areas where he knew opportunists were just waiting to strike. Street walkers called hawking their wares from the alleyways. He ignored them all. She would either be waiting for him or she wouldn't, he wouldn't dwell on that it was hard thinking of the alternative.

Knocking on her door, Bohdan answered. "She's waiting for you in the library serrah. The rest of us will be retiring for the evening." Bohdan left him to find his own way to her.

He walked through the foyer going to the door to the library. Opening the door he had to stare to take in the scene laid out before him. She knelt by the fireplace where a pot of water was warming wearing the revealing red dress of a slave. Was she mocking him? There was only one chair and in front of it was a basin with soap and water, various fruits in a basket and a bottle of wine already opened and chilling on the table. He turned and shut the door quietly. He couldn't look at her anger was simmering just below his skin. It felt as if it was all he was made up of at the moment.

He heard her rise and move towards him, "Fenris?"

"Why are you doing this Hawke?" He waved behind him indicating everything that was laid out. "Is this some cruel joke of yours to remind me of where I come from?"

Her sharp inhale told him that it wasn't what she meant. Curiosity piqued his interest, but he still wasn't able to look at her without feeling like striking her. "No, of course not. I, ah, I thought that I would.." He heard her heart hammering in her chest could smell disappointment on her skin. "I thought that I would show you I care about understanding you and where you come from.. what your life was like before," she said quietly.

"You want to know what life was like as a slave?" He was incredulous. Turning, he saw she was looking into his face. Rage reared it's ugly head. "Don't look at me. Your gaze is always to be on the floor." Immediately her head dropped. "You want to know, I will show you." She remained quiet. Grabbing her upper arm roughly, he shook her. "Thank me."

"Thank you, Fenris."

"Master," he felt like he was leaving bruises on her skin but was unable to relax his grip on her.

"Master," he let her go. She kept her eyes diverted but walked to the fireplace and removed the water from the fire. Going to the basin, she knelt again and poured the water in. It steamed up and the scent of lavender and vanilla assaulted his senses. "Please?" She indicated the chair.

He walked towards her measuring his steps controlling his breathing. "You do not ask anything of me. I will forgive you as you don't know how to act, yet." He sat in the cushioned seat. She poured him his wine and gave him the glass. He felt her pry his leggings loose and roll them down until his legs were bare from the knees down. She placed his feet in the basin, he felt the heat travel up his body relaxing him slightly. She quietly dipped the washcloth in the water and rubbed it gently up his calves rinsing the majority of the dirt from his legs. She picked up the soap and rubbed it in the wash cloth. Setting the soap aside, she drew the cloth up his legs again. One foot at a time she went inch by inch washing the dirt and grime from his feet. Sipping the wine, he watched her posture. "You're too proud. Your back should not be straight." She immediately slumped. "I don't like that dress." Her eyes immediately shot up to meet his. He grasped her chin, "I said I don't like that dress." It came out low and clipped.

"What would you have me do?" He cleared his throat. "Master?"

"I would have you remove the offending garment immediately and burn it." He watched as she rose and unbelted the sash letting her clothing drop to the floor. She bent and picked it up throwing it into the fireplace. Coming back to kneel at his feet, she picked up a bottle of oil and a towel. Her breasts swayed and knocked into each other as she moved. Using the towel she gently dried his feet and moved the basin to the side. Pouring a generous amount of oil into her hands she drew them first down his right calf then his left. Pouring more into her palms, she was silent as she worked it into the soles of his feet. It felt marvelous. His anger was slowly, so slowly, lessening. He would not leave until she understood if this was what she wanted he would not deny her the experience. Picking up his other foot she gave it equal attention as well. Rinsing her hands on the washcloth and drying them with the towel, she picked up the basket of fruit. "I'm not hungry." He set the glass of wine down on the table.

Taking the basket from her he set it also on the table. "You would know what it is to not be in control of yourself? To have every decision made for you?" He circled her as he talked, trailing his fingers along her shoulders. "You would know what I suffered?" He leaned in from behind her, his tongue licking her ear as he spoke. "I will give it to you." The fire crackled as he stepped back from her and admired her curves. He removed his gauntlets from his hands and his breastplate from his chest. "Stand by that chair and face me but do not look at me." She did as commanded her eyes downcast, her breaths coming in little hitches. "I am going to ask you questions and you will answer them promptly and honestly. If you do not, I will punish you." He waited for her to nod. "You will also answer me out loud from now on. You do not assume I am looking at you," He walked behind her and smacked her lightly on her ass. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, master." He voice was barely a whisper.

"Good." He paced behind her, "Did you go to Anders this evening?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I had no reason to go."

"Why did he indicate that he believed you were coming to him then?" He watched her flesh goosebump as he drew his fingers down her spine. "He was quite adamant that you were going to just hop into bed with him."

"I don't know why he would say such a thing. Anders and I are friends. Nothing more."

"What did you ask of him this morning then?"

"I asked him nothing." She paused thinking. "I was speculating out loud what it would take to convince someone you cared about them above everything else."

His fingers stopped their lazy circles on her back. He pressed up against her breathing heavily onto her neck, "Continue."

"He said that to show someone was best. If you cared enough you would show them that you wanted to know what they cared about, what they experienced, what they fought against. I am guessing, now, his words were more self-serving than I originally thought."

"Yes. I would say that they were." He slowly caressed her arms from shoulders to wrists and back again. "I want you to please me."

"Yes," she gasped.

"Do not move once I start." He pulled her hair back from her ear. "Place your foot upon the armrest of the chair. Make no noise I will be upset. Do not talk, no touching especially me." He drew in a ragged breath.

"Yes." She put her left leg up onto the armrest.

"Put your hands above your head." She laced them on top of her head making her breasts strain upwards. He was hard for her. He could feel his blood pumping insistently through his member. Walking in front of her, he grasped her jaw with his fingers. Opening her mouth, he gently brushed his open mouth across hers breathing in her breath releasing his for her. "Remember, I will be displeased should you break the rules. I would not be happy punishing you, but I would have to. Do not make me."

Running his hands down her body, paused at her breasts plucking one nipple then the other with his fingers. Her throat worked keeping from making a sound. He stepped back from her kneeling down between her legs. Starting at her ankle on the floor, he ran his hand up to the inside of her thigh. Pointedly avoiding her mound, he caressed the inside of the other thigh. Coming back to her heat, he slicked his fingers back and forth watching the muscles strain in her thighs feeling the clench and unclench of her most intimate area. "When you are a slave, nothing is private." He tugged on her thin patch of pubic hair. "Nothing is sacred about you, your body or what little possessions you are allowed to have if you have any at all."

Leaning forward he slid his tongue along her clit, flicking back and forth lazily. She tasted like she smelled, clean and sweet. Pressing his lips against her he sucked and licked at the same time. He heard her moan through clenched teeth. Immediately, he sat back on his heels. Looking at her, her head was tilted back, her muscles strung tighter than a bow string. Recognizing that he had stopped she looked down at him. Her eyes were fogged with pleasure, her face slack with it even as her arms trembled being held in the same position. Seeing him scowling at her, he saw her close her eyes and avert her face in shame.

Standing, he walked behind her. Wrapping his fist in her hair he pulled her head back, "What did you do wrong?" She kept her fingers laced on top of her head. He heard her whimper, "You better answer me damn it or so help me-"

"I made noises when I wasn't supposed to." Her voice hitched, "I'm sorry."

"Not yet. But you will be." He released her hair. "Stay here. Do not move." Walking upstairs he found the chair she had moved from last night. Bringing it down with him he sat it in front of the one she had left. "Sit." He pointed to the chair she was propped on. Keeping her hands in place, her eyes on the floor, she moved quickly and sat. He picked up the washcloth, still wet and soapy. Wringing it out until it stopped dripping he said, "Open." Her eyes didn't leave the cloth but didn't register how disgusting she would find this. Folding the cloth into a small square he placed it in her mouth. "Close," he saw her register the soapy taste of the cloth with revulsion.

Sitting back in the other chair, he sighed. Placing her hands in her lap he started to tell her of what his life had been like. "I had trouble at first keeping quiet when ordered to do something. I was constantly back talking or at least in Denarius's estimation it was back talk. I would have to stand in the corner naked with a bar of soap in my mouth. Denarius would parade the other staff in front of me to poke and prod at me. It was humiliating." He paused for breath. Talking about it was hard, it felt like he was being brought back to that time.

"Hadrianna loved it best. When Denarius would have me serve her while he was attending business in the city, she would make up minor infractions she had seen me perform. I ate off the floor, I was made to be chained to a wall she had specially built in her closet. It was suffocating all the clothing in my face and no way to move." He laced his fingers in his lap and looked anywhere but Hawke. This was something he had never wanted her to know. "She would become irate with me as I was allowed the privilege of not sleeping with her. Denarius found it hilarious that she was attracted to me, I found it vile. However, I was better at serving him at that point than she was learning from him so I got the better end of the bargain in a way." He paused pouring himself another glass of wine. Sipping it slowly, he tried to gather his thoughts and explain this without letting it color every other part of his being.

"She was infuriated that I never bowed to her." His eyes were drawn to Hawke, she was watching him intently listening to every word he spoke. "After a few months, I found that when I would be sleeping she would come in and pour ice water into my bed. I had nowhere else to lie and would have to shiver until it was time to get up. She would send shades to stand over me in my sleep so that when I woke their glowing faces would be the first thing I saw. It was horrifying. All this was done to me after they found beating me senseless did nothing to deter my behavior." Tears slid down her cheeks. He leaned forward and took the cloth from her mouth. "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I feel disgusted with myself."

"I'm so sorry, Fenris. I just... I just wanted to show you I wanted to understand." She knelt in front of his chair. Taking his bare foot in her hand, she kissed his toes then leaned her head on his lap. "You were right, you know. I have had no experience of what it is like to be a slave." His hand hovered above her head. He wanted to touch her but was afraid to. He had sullied her with talk of his past. He felt her tears dripping down his knee and soaking into the cushion of the seat. He would fix this.

"Come." He took her hands and lifted her up from her knees. Standing together, he picked up the towel and wrapped it around her body tucking it to hold in place. He swept her off her feet and strode to the door. Bumping it with his hip it opened, striding up the stairs he took her to her room. The fire was already lit; he deposited her upon her mattress gently. Sitting by her side, he gingerly stroked her side. "I don't wish to speak of this again." He sighed. "It is something I am trying to put behind me." He propped his elbows on his knees and leaned his mouth against his knuckles.

He felt her body shift on the bed behind him. "I'm sorry Fenris." She wrapped her arms around him and held him to her chest. He stiffened in her embrace. He shouldn't let her do this to him. He didn't want to be comforted. He didn't need pity.

He stood shaking her from his shoulders. "I should go," he said coldly. He reached for the doorknob when he heard a sob escape her. Guilt and condemnation came flooding back into his system. "Look, Hawke," he hesitated, he couldn't look at her. "You should find someone who makes you happy." He walked through the doorway and was down the stairs when he heard her scramble off the bed. Her feet pounded down the stairs after him but he was already through the front door and on his way home. He could hear her crying outside her door. It pierced him through to leave her like that, but it really was for the best. He wouldn't see her again.

A/N: I know that I put one at the beginning. I apologize for going so far... I just couldn't stop it seemed right for what I want to do. Trust me it will get better.. I think. Anyway if you want to review cool if not I can still see how many people are lurking on here anyhow.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters herein. They belong to Bioware.

A/N: So last time left kind of the way the end of the romance in Act 2 did lol way left-field kind of. Anyhow, still can't get the elf out of my system. I have been writing for four days straight and can't seem to quit. Thankfully, no one is depending on me to take care of them while I'm writing this. (Isn't that just horrible?) As soon as I'm done with every chapter I will post it until it is finished or I finally purge Fenris from my imagination. Hopefully it's the former as opposed to the latter. If you review, thank you in advance. BTW if you can think of a better summary let me know I wasn't too sure of where to go with that. Whatever you think is cool.

Warning: I have a vast vast library of smut from years upon years of reading it.. so it kinda shows. Love.

Haunting Me

Chapter 3

It had been weeks since he had seen her. He had not been by her mansion since even to watch her open her windows. It was too hard to even think of seeing her. Hopefully Anders had made good on his wishes of having her to himself. It hurt to even imagine the way that would go. It was like a knife in his guts, twisting. Any time he thought of that hypocritical ass and Hawke together it stole his breath.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his head, he turned the letter he had received the other day over and over in his hands. He knew what it said even if he couldn't read it. They had found evidence of his 'sister'. Varianna. She was not in Quintus, however, and it would take some searching still to find out where she had gone without alerting anyone to his pursuit, namely Denarius. It was costing him dearly in his profits to pay these high end raiders to search for her far and wide without leaving traces of themselves.

Decision made, he rose from his bedside and left for the Vicount's office. Donnic had stopped by and let Fenris know he and Aveline were back from their honeymoon in Orlais. Striding down his stairs, he caught Isabella in the foyer poking around the piles of junk littered about the place. "Anything you're looking for?" he asked.

Jumping, Isabella smirked, "Just investigating what it's like squatting up here in this big mansion all by yourself. Getting into trouble today?" She took her bandanna down to retie it.

"Going to the guard to see Aveline."

She frowned, "What reason could you possibly have to go see Miss Man-hands?" Isabella's nose turned up as she spoke of Aveline.

Fenris shook his head letting a light smile play around his lips. "Isabella, not everyone can be like you." Continuing on, "Are you coming?"

She eyed him skeptically, "Red?"

He sighed, "No."

"Damn. No, I'm going back to the Hanged Man. Martin says he has some information for me that might turn up something interesting. If you want to traipse about town with me, you know where to find me." She winked as she turned and walked out. He wondered to himself if she would have mentioned talking to Hawke or finding out about what had happened between them. Probably not, she would see it as a boon having him available to use as sport any time she wanted. He shook his head. It would be so demeaning being treated as another notch on her no doubt extensive belt.

He was in the courtyard next to her house again. He paused in the shadows. He had no right to be here. He couldn't help himself. Looking up he saw her. It was jarring. Alone and feeling unobserved, her face registered such longing as she stared out the window. He saw her bend down to pick something up, then a match flare in her face as she drew in then blew out a smoky breath. He watched her close her eyes and inhale again. What was she thinking? Maybe she wasn't. Maker knew he had lost his sense of self long ago. Guilt riddled him, it had to be his fault she was damaging herself like that. He just couldn't deal with that right now.

Closing his eyes, he turned and headed to the keep. Waiting outside, he watched nobles come and go from the entrance. Lieutenant Harley came down the stairs and he fell into step next to her. "Do you think you could do a favor for me?"

She turned ready with a quick snap for whoever had decided to bother her until she noticed it was Fenris. "Oh, Hawke's elf," she seemed startled. "What do you want?"

He sighed letting the comment pass. "I need to speak to the Guard Captain. Would you get this to her?" He reluctantly passed his letter to her.

"Of course." She tapped her fist to her breastplate. "I would like to thank you again for the part you played against Fell Orden. I still have nightmares about that. We lost a few good men that day."

"No need. Hawke helps those she finds in need of her." He nodded his head and was pleased to see her turn immediately for the keep. He waited another half an hour or so before she came trudging down the steps. Stepping into the shadows with him, "Guard Captain says she will come as soon as she is able."

He nodded. "My thanks, Lieutenant Harley."

Walking back to his mansion, he noticed the sky was starting to cloud over. Looking to the trees in the courtyard, he saw the leaves were turning over. It was going to rain. As he was turning to head towards the upper end of high town, he heard her voice approaching from the same direction. Pressing back between the columns of the nearest building, he watched as she approached. She had her head bent forward, focused only on the ground in front of her feet. Varric's short legs pumped just trying to keep up with her walking. "Varric, I appreciate what you're trying to say, but really I'm fine."

"Look all I'm saying is I understand. Bianca and I have been together a long time and asides from the occasional flirt with Isabella she's been entirely faithful."

Hawke let out a short burst of laughter. "Bianca is a crossbow Varric."

"Shh, you'll hurt her feelings. She likes you, you know." Varric stroked the butt of his crossbow suggestively. "Would have been nice to have caught him in the middle of a dance routine, though." She looked down at the dwarf, "What? Maybe you should start sending that batty elf notes before you show up, that way he's bound to be home."

He waited for her to embarrass him with her knowledge of his lack of ability. Instead, "Maybe I will. He might like that," she murmured. Then they turned the corner and he couldn't hear their conversation any longer. He thought about following them, finding out what it was Hawke wanted with him but dismissed the idea. It would be uncomfortable and awkward trying to talk with her as if everything were 'normal'. Put that scene in front of an audience, no thank you.

Just then the sky opened up and rain came pouring down on top of him. Running up the stairs and through his doors, he still wasn't fast enough not to be soaked to the bone. Going into the kitchen, he grabbed a towel off the rack and dried his hair. Hard knocking sounded at the door. Aveline.

Suddenly full of nervous energy, he strode quickly to the door and pulled it open quickly. Aveline pushed her way in, "Fenris."

"Aveline." He shut the door behind her and turned expectantly.

"What _is_ this?" She waved the letter in the air.

Snatching it from her fingers, "I haven't told anyone, but I've been looking into the information I obtained from Hadrianna." He ignored her derisive snort at 'obtained'. "I have found that a woman by such a name did live in Quintus. However she is there no longer." He blew out a frustrated breath. "The contacts I have obtained, I am afraid to send to Minrathous."

She tilted her head back, shaking the moisture from her ginger hair. Smiling she looked at him, "And you thought _I_ would have better contacts than, say, Hawke?" She threw her hands up laughing, "Why don't you bother her with this? She is much better equipped to help you. And, if you hadn't noticed, eager to help you. Even someone as thick as I am with things of.. that nature.. can see that clearly."

He shook his head. "No. I do not wish to involve Hawke or anyone else in this matter unless it becomes absolutely necessary."

Aveline rubbed her forehead, "Fine. I don't want to know. Just tell me what you've found out and what you're hoping to do."

"I found that there was a female elf by that name working as a servant in some nobleman's home, just as I.. heard." He paused, picking up a half empty wine bottle off the floor and pulling the cork. "She had just recently moved to Minrathous apparently, and I want to contact her. I want to know if she is, indeed, my sister."

"Barring talking to Hawke," She frowned at him. "I will do my best to find out what I can through the guard channels there without alerting the interest of other parties." She rubbed her temples. "You don't know what a headache the two of you are. You and Hawke both drive me crazy." She put her hands down and smiled at him to let him know she didn't mind so much as she was letting on.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you Aveline."

"You owe me Fenris." She pointed at him. "I will make good on it too."

"Aveline you wound me. Ask me anything and I will make it up to you. Although, you do realize I still will not teach the guard my abilities?" He frowned at her, "Surely that is not what you request for this?"

She smiled, "I know, I know. I just want you to know that I will think of something. That," she gestured to the letter, "is a good start Fenris. I'm happy for you." Sharply turning on her heel, she left the clatter of her armor following her out.

Going upstairs, he brought the bottle with him sipping from it occasionally. Leaning against the cool glass of the window, he thought about what it could be like to have a sister. He could see it now; she would come as excited to see him as he would be to meet her. Surely if what was between Hawke and her sister, Varianna might not have been wondering about him and what happened to him? Perhaps she had answers to how he had been snatched in the night or while playing alone. Maybe she and his mother had searched for him fruitlessly. That was how it happened to a lot of elves and human children in his experience.

Catching himself, he shook the thoughts away. If he allowed himself to hope, it would only deepen his disappointment should his fantasy not be what he had envisioned. She could even not really be his sister. But, Hadrianna had told the truth about there being an elf named Varianna. Surely such a name was not common among the elves? Frowning, all he really had to do was look back to what had happened with Hadrianna. Was there any better example of how his expectations had deflated so hard and so fast? He had thought himself finally free, finally out of the view of Tevinter forever. They had not sought him since he had joined up with Hawke. He thought he was over them and what had happened to him during the beginning of this life he was left with. He wanted to let her go. He wanted to rise above what they had inflicted upon him, show them they did not matter to him any longer. They had not left him broken and alone. He had risen above and all that. He shook his head at those thoughts. That had really gone over well, especially lately.

Thinking of being broken only led him to thoughts of the other night with Hawke. It was a vicious circle. He rubbed his eyes with his fingertips trying to assuage the visions. It was disgusting what he had inflicted on her. She was an innocent from that life and he had tainted it in an effort to be 'understood'. He scoffed at himself; no one should ever understand that. Turning to the wall, he drew back his fist and punched as hard as he could. Again and again until he felt the inside of his gauntlet slicken with his blood. She shouldn't have asked that of him. It was too much thinking of his life before, and to have turned what was used against him at her? It was unforgivable.

She had done what? Nothing. He knew pushing her that way would elicit a response and used it against her. Shameful. He felt cold dwelling on it. He needed to apologize, but how did one go about doing that? How could you go to someone and even bring up what had happened between them?

Just then there was a heavy knocking at his door. Turning he saw Bodhan standing outside his room. "I'm sorry serrah, but Mistress Hawke had a letter she wanted delivered to you. Your, ah, front door was unlocked and I tried knocking several times-" Fenris strode over to him taking the package from the dwarf. "Should I wait for a reply, messire?"

"No." Bowing, the dwarf seemed to not get out fast enough. It curled his lips. He must look a frightening mess. Looking at the letter he could see where the red of his blood was already dripping onto the envelope. Opening it quickly, he was startled to see his face staring back at him out of the front page. The next drawing was of him from the back standing before her door. She had even put the crest of her house next to it. The next showed them sitting in chairs leaning over a book. Running his uninjured hand over the face she had drawn on the first page, it felt surreal. There was such a softness of expression in the expression she had drawn. Was this how she saw him? It was almost... benevolent. She had drawn the markings on his skin but they were not as prevalent in the picture as what he imagined they actually looked like in person. This was the man he wanted to be. He wanted to be as peaceful and beautiful as she had depicted him.

He laughed to himself. Well, this was one way to get him a message. It must have taken her all day. It sobered him to think of it. She had spent all day thinking of him, she shouldn't do that. He was undeserving of her attentions, she needed to realize that. Removing his gauntlets, he wrapped an old scrap of a shirt around his hand and went to her.

She was sitting in the library, waiting on him. "You just don't give up, do you?"

"Give up on what?" She straightened from bending over the desk arranging the book and ink.

He shook his head, "Play if you like. What did you want from me?"

"Oh. I guess it wasn't as clear as I had hoped." She twisted her fingers together nervously. "I promised you it wasn't too late to read, Fenris. As long as you're willing, I would like to make good on that to you." She sat in the far chair and opened the book to the first page. "I thought we would start with the alphabet and work our way from there.."

It was almost as if her expectation of him accepting her help actually moved him to sit in the chair. She moved the book closer to him. Leaning into him, she showed him how to form the first letter. Picking up the quill from her, it felt awkward in his hand. Suddenly, he was intensely grateful his wounded hand was not, apparently, suitable for writing with anyway. Frowning, he compared his scribble with her letter. Going page by page, she wrote a letter at the top and let him copy it. "There. Now you can practice on your own until you get comfortable with their names and how they are written." She smiled up at him, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "On my own?" He frowned. "I thought this was another ploy of yours to have me at your beck and call."

Her eyes widened and he saw that she was immediately angry. "Ploy?" Her voice shook. "I am trying to give you the space you so obviously want while still keeping my promise to you.. and.. and it's a ploy!? Some machination to further entrench you in me?" As quickly as the anger was there it was gone. She closed her eyes, sighing, as she sat back in the chair. Leaning her face into her open hand, her hair fell to cover her expression. "Fenris, is it so hard to imagine that someone could want you to be happy? That they would care about you and what you wanted?" She stood. "You want to take your anger out on me? Fine. You want to grace me with your presence? Good. You don't want to? Don't feel obligated on my behalf. My door has always been opened to you and it always will. For tonight? Don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out." She crossed her arms, bringing one hand up to cover her mouth. Gesturing despondently at the door, she turned her face from him.

A/N: Aaaand I think that's a good place to stop. At least until the next chapter. Ellethe, thank you for reviewing. I wasn't sure of the response I was getting. It makes me happy that you like it.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Bioware owns the characters I'm vaguely.. definitely manipulating.

Warning: Possible smut this chapter.. harsh language a probability..

A/N: To explain my thinking behind all this.. I guess angst? I'm going only on what their conversations are through Act 3. When he apologizes to her he says, "I thought it better if you hated me, I deserved no less." To the best of my ability to 'understand' people's motivations, I would suppose from that he had tried to drive her away. Or the fact that he says, "I remember your touch as if it were yesterday." Inviting her to be sweet to him.. I will have to think of a way to preserve their first encounter so that it will not diminish so much on the dialogue in the game. At least that's what I'm hoping. I really don't want to go so far left field I can no longer hear his voice when I'm writing it. Admittedly, some parts are a little fetchy. So we left on a high note, I think we'll continue promptly.

Haunting Me

Chapter 4

"You care about how I feel?" She backed away from him as he advanced. Keeping her arms wrapped tight about her chest, she shook her head don't. Grabbing her face in both hands, he pressed his forehead to hers. She was backed into the corner and had nowhere to go. "You poke and you prod and you ask and ask and ask about things I don't want to talk about. If I did, I would tell you. But you never let well enough alone. You are maddening." He hissed through his clenched teeth. "Slavery. Mages. Templars. Past, past, past. Dig, dig, dig. Can you not see what this does to me? Do I ask impossible questions of you?" He pressed her body against the wall with his. "Do I pressure you? Are there not secrets you would rather all and sundry not know?"

"If you wanted to, you could ask me anything. I would hold nothing back from you that you wanted from me." She reached up and gripped his elbows. "Do you not imagine that when I painted my childhood for you it was not tainted with the loss of them all? We come from two different backgrounds. We do not understand..." She sighed, "I-I am trying to the best of my ability to know you." He could feel the tremors racking her body from the emotions coursing through her. Her tears wetted his face, he tasted the salt on his lips. "I don't know what else to do," her voice cracked.

She shifted her face from his grip. Her lips pressed fervently to his own. He felt a moan escape himself and her tongue slipped into his mouth. Sweetly at first, then more demanding until his breathing was as ragged as hers. His hands fisted in the front of her blouse pulling her away from the bookshelf.

Her hands found his and she backed away with a confused look on her face. "Fenris?" She overturned a bloody palm for him to inspect. Moving quickly, she grasped the wrist of his injured hand. "How did this happen?" He shrugged and looked away. "I swear. Wait here." She left. Returning shortly, she had a wash cloth tucked into her belt and carried a bowl full of warm water. Sweeping the table clean with one hand, she set the bowl down with the other. Gesturing to the chair, "Sit." She held out her hand for his. Rolling his eyes, he lifted it for her inspection. "Maker, Fenris..." She frowned, "This is going to hurt."

He grimaced as she lowered his hand into the dish. He could feel grains of salt lining the bottom. "I rather think it would hurt on purpose with the salt water."

"No, it's not on purpose," she snapped at him. "Salt water is supposed to keep wounds from being infected when you clean with it." Soaking the cloth next to his hand, she started washing the blood from his forearm. She was silent for a time, then, "I first found out what my father was when I was nine." She paused, taking a breath and rolling her neck. "I was playing in the road. I knew better, but," she shrugged, "what can you say? I was strong-willed and saw no reason not to other than it drove mother nuts.

"I was kicking a ball back and forth with myself. Father and Bethany were holed up together in the back room of our small house," she waived her hand dismissively, "probably discussing something to do with her abilities and hiding them. At the time, I didn't really care or understand. I heard shouting behind me and turned too late. A king's messenger was riding his horse straight towards me, gesturing angrily for me to get out of the road. I was so stunned I couldn't move." She took a deep breath as if it was a recent painful memory instead of something that had happened over ten years ago.

"I can still feel the hooves from the horse as it ran me over." She picked his hand out of the bowl and began gently dabbing at the abrasions on the back of his knuckles. "I remember the villagers rushing over and everything becoming fuzzy and bright at the same time. Someone must have called for my father because next thing I knew he was carrying me back to the house. I think I said something to the effect of 'Daddy your clothes are getting dirty'." She smiled wryly. Her blue eyes met his and he could see it really was costing her to tell him about this. Continuing gently with the cloth over his fingers, "My father was always slightly more distant with me. Reminding me over and over to watch for Carver, but especially for Bethany. I had no idea at the time that he even loved me. I felt more like he had given me life only to care for his real children.

"Mother was in the kitchen frantically clearing the table. Carver was peeking over the end trying to see what was going on. I cried a lot. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced before. Everything in my body felt heavy and on fire. Father wasn't touching me physically but I could see blue fire coming out of his hands and covering my entire body.. at least all I could see of it. Mother was beside herself hovering over Father's shoulder and watching me being knit back together.

"After he finished, I still needed to be bandaged but I was no longer on the verge of death. Mother had to bandage everything because when Father finished, he collapsed. It was the one time we had to move because of my recklessness." She took out fresh bandages from her pocket.

"Why did you have to move?" He thought he knew the answer but was unwilling to let the silence stretch. This was important to her: to understand and be understood.

Rolling her shoulders back, she continued while wrapping his hand as gently as she could manage. "The villagers had seen me ran over by the messenger. By all accounts my insides were strung around from the gaping hole in my stomach. If they were to see me up and walking around.. it would be immediately apparent what my family was: a bunch of apostates trying to outrun the long arm of the chantry." She leaned forward and kissed the back of his hand before knotting the bandage securely. "I never questioned if he loved me after that. I reasoned, surely if he were willing to move the family for my sake.." She sighed and sat back rubbing her forehead. "Surely he loved me."

He leaned forward, stroking her cheek with his other hand. "Hawke. Thank you."

She rolled her face into his palm, planting another gentle kiss in the center. "We had never stayed anywhere for long until Father passed away." She pressed her fingers to her brow. "When the-the messenger came through, we were living on the outskirts of Denerim. We were always moving south, and always on the outside of cities or towns. Friends were discouraged.." She shook her head, "I realize it is nothing compared to what you went through. I had my blessings what with being able to know I had a family that cared for me. I had a roof over my head no matter how I behaved." She bent down and pulled his feet into her lap. Idly rubbing his toes and the pads of his feet, she stayed silent.

He closed his eyes, reveling in the pleasure it brought him to have her massage him like that. He turned over what she had said in his head. Was she lonely growing up? It sounded isolating to be so responsible for two at such a young age. He imagined what she must have looked like as a child. It was hard, all he could manage was a small version of herself, determined and sure of everything. Although based on what she was telling him, it must be harder on her being responsible for the paths so many people's lives have taken. He felt sick thinking of it. It must have torn her up inside to have to tell her mother that because she allowed Bethany to go into the Deep Roads with her... she had died. No doubt her fault in her own estimation after so many years of caring for her sister and watching for her to just have her die so painfully. Having to be the one to push the blade into her heart? She must have so fervently wished she had not brought her sister down there. Could he ask that of her? Should he?

"Come with me?" She set his feet down before standing and extending her hands to him.

He frowned, "Hawke, I really should go."

Her hands fell to her sides. Disappointment etched itself into her posture, "Please don't go." She turned to him smiling brightly despite the tears threatening to overflow, "Forget I said that." She waived her hands in front of her, "You do what's best for you, I don't want to interfere."

_Oh, Hawke, don't you understand? There is no where else I would rather be. I'm no good for you, you should be with someone who isn't already damaged that loves you and would treat you right._ "Anders-"

"Don't spout Anders at me. I don't want Anders. I want you." She clutched his leathers and pulled herself into his body. "You love me. You can show me with your body, I know you can."

He sighed, holding her close to him. Fisting his fingers in her hair, he tucked her head under his chin. "Surely, you're not naïve enough to believe that a man's response to a woman equates love?" She cried quietly into his chest. He stroked her dark locks down her back, trying and failing miserably to keep from becoming aroused being so close to her. Leaning back so he could look into her crystal blue eyes, "If my body is all you want of me.. It is yours."

"Please?" She trembled, brushing her lips across his. Taking her hand in his, he led her upstairs.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he drew her betwixt his legs. Unbuttoning her blouse slowly, he kissed up from her navel to her breastbone each little bit of flesh he exposed. Sliding his hands under the shoulders of her shirt, he drew it off and discarded it beside the bed. His fingers moved beneath the band of her skirt, pushing it down her hips into a puddle on the carpet. She shivered delicately. Grasping the hem of his leathers, he drew it off over his head and threw it on top of her blouse.

She knelt in front of him, her fingers clumsy with the buckles of his pants. When they were finally free, he stood so she could draw them down his legs. He felt her fingers slowly trace the lyrium scars up his calves.. his thighs.. he felt her working his underclothes free and caught her hands in his. Pulling her to her feet, he sat back down upon the bed and had her sprawled on top of his body. Her hair feathered down shielding their faces from the light of the fire. "Kiss me, Fenris," she whispered to him.

Groaning, he caught her lips with his. Wrapping his arms around her waist and thrusting up against her heat he felt her soaking his underclothes. She moaned into his mouth as she writhed on top of him. Rolling her underneath his body, he tucked his head and bit into the soft part of her shoulder. He sucked hard, marking her. He felt her head thrust back into the mattress as her fingers clawed his back. "Fenris, Fenris, please.." she begged him. She gasped as his thumb flicked across the tip of her breast. He purred deep in his throat as her hands found his length and gripped him almost painfully as she stroked him up and down. Pressing his mouth firmly against hers, his free hand found her underwear and ripped it free of her body sending the tatters scattering around them. She hastily shoved his down his hips, pushing with her feet when her hands could no longer reach until they were bunched around his ankles. "Now, please, now." She insisted.

Positioning himself at her opening, he paused slipping his tongue into her wet mouth. Their tongues warred with each other writhing and twisting together sending a heavy heat straight between his legs. He gasped her name as he slid deep into her, grinding his hips into hers. He felt her muscles clench around him as her heels dug into his flank drawing him deeper into her. Grasping the back of her knee and supporting himself on his opposite elbow, he drew his hips back only to slam back into her roughly.

Sliding her hand up her thigh, he slid his hand between their bodies to massage her clit with his thumb. He felt her body stiffen under him after a few strokes, moving to cover her whole body he thrust a few more times before spending himself inside her. Pressing his forehead to hers, he waited until their breathing and heartbeats resumed a more steady rhythm. Stroking her hair from her face, he looked into her eyes and saw such a longing reflected back it startled him. He kissed her cheek and keeping themselves locked together rolled them onto their sides. "Sleep. I will be here when you wake."

She nodded as she tucked her head into his chest and breathed deeply. He felt her wrap her arm tightly about his waist and throw her leg across his hips. "Just hold me," she whispered already sounding half gone.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and stroked her hair down her back until he, too, drifted off.

There was a woman. She looked stunningly like Hawke but was dressed in the attire of a slave. Her black kirtle barely covered the prodigious assets she possessed. He frowned. He knew this woman, somehow. It felt like it.

Looking down at his skin, he saw there were no lyrium markings. Pulling his hair in front of his face he saw it was dark ebony. The woman skipped down the stairs to him, throwing her arms wide and jumping at the last minute into his embrace. "I knew you would come back for me, Leto!" She crowed excitedly.

He heard himself answer her, "I could not leave you to be used so cruelly, Lessa."

Suddenly, saw his sister at his shoulder and Lessa holding her hand. "This is a good match for you, brother." Varianna smiled up at him and he felt his face crack into an easy grin.

He tried to pull his mind from these strange visions, but felt caught. Turning, he saw Hawke staring at him with happy expectation. She held out her hands and he reached for them only to have such a horrible headache assault him. It felt like he couldn't breathe.

Then 'Lessa' was there again hugging him and laughing. He heard himself laughing as well. "I love you, you silly elf." She giggled as she twisted his hair around her fingers.

"I love you too, infuriating human."

Waking in a cold sweat, he sat up trying to catch his breath. Hawke had rolled over in her sleep her bodice askew, hair tangled on the pillows. He reached to touch her only to have his head feel like it was splitting open. He moaned rubbing his temples, trying to assuage the horrible pain.

When it finally subsided, he looked up to notice the sun shining through the windows. Hawke was on her side observing him curiously. "Is everything alright Fenris?"

He held up his hands for her to be quieter. "I-I don't know."

"Did you remember anything?" She sat up on her knees.

"I don't know." He looked up to the ceiling. "I need some air."

"I'll go with you." She got up and hastily pulled on the dress laid across the foot of her bed. He hadn't even heard anyone enter and lay out her clothing. He flushed. What a sight the dwarf must have had seeing his mistress and her... well whatever he was, bare and free for the entire world to see.

Standing, he pulled on his trousers sans underwear. Grabbing his leathers off the floor he pulled those over his head and wrapped his belt tightly around his waist. Hawke took his elbow, he felt a stirring in his head. Shaking it free, he brushed aside the strange dreams. He knew of no Lessa, barely even had evidence his sister existed, it was nothing but randomness he was sure.

The docks were crowded this early in the morning. Sailors and laborers moved quickly to and fro from ship to ship. Hawke left his side to go inspect some merchant's wares. He stared out to sea trying to dispel this odd sleep-walking feeling.

He turned to see Hawke talking with another female. Heading back to her, he was going to suggest they go back to her mansion so he could lie down he could feel another wave of pain coming on, when the woman turned to face him.

A/N: OMG so.. I am totally taken with an idea (as if you couldn't tell from the buildup). Next chapter will be from Hawke's point of view just so you know. And don't let that deter you. I think.. eventually.. you'll like where I'm going with this. *wink* Oh and the steamy bits.. yeah.. cool. I just can't stop it's craziness. Review if you feel motivated, if not I'm still awesome lol. j/k


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Bioware does.

A/N: Okay so I just posted chapter 4 and absolutely HAVE to carry on with 5. Any who, just a reminder this one is written from Hawke's point of view so there will.. might be a difference in tone. I just can't help the angst though. I find I write better about emotional struggles than flowery fluffy stuff. I guess I would be one of the women swooning and having broody babies in his honor, ne?

Haunting Me

Chapter 5

Marian chewed on her lower lip. His arm was firm and muscular under her hand. There. She could feel him. The look on his face was thousands of miles away from her though. It had to be getting better though. He had to trust her now. Thinking of the night before made her stomach tighten with desire. He was so beautiful to her, even glaring into the light. He touched his head as if it pained him. His green eyes were shrouded with thick lashes, the bridge of his nose larger than hers, his lips thinned from spending so much time in deep contemplation. She wanted to erase the lines between his brows, she wanted to heal him, be the balm to his soul that she felt his was for hers.

"I'm going to go see about getting another whetstone. I think Isabella borrowed mine and never returned it." She smiled up at him. He looked down at her, and for just an instant, it felt as if he didn't recognize her. Then softness came over his features and he nodded.

She watched him walk to the end of the emptiest pier. He cut such a heartbreaking figure standing there in the early morning light. Alone. But he was no longer alone, not if she had anything to say about it. Smiling to herself, she headed to the merchants under the awning at the end of the docks. He would understand that they were meant to be together and they would work through any issues he still held from his past. She might even be enough for him to let go of this hate and burning festering that he seemed to dwell on constantly.

"Excuse me?"

Hawke heard a richly feminine voice behind her. Turning, she was startled at the woman's appearance. She looked so much like herself. Her eyes were golden and her hair was cut shorter, almost boyish, but the main features were almost an exact copy. The woman flushed as she seemed to notice the same peculiarities of their features. "Can I help you?" Hawke asked politely.

"You are the Champion, are you not?" The woman's hands wrung themselves uselessly in front of her.

"Some people call me that yes."

She sighed in obvious relief. "I have heard you help people who have extraordinary problems?" Hawke nodded for her to continue. "I have been searching for my fiancée for the last six years. He disappeared without a trace and as far as I could find out there was someone matching his description living in this city. I realize this is hardly inspiring, but I would be willing to pay you for your assistance?" She looked so hopeful, Hawke couldn't resist her.

Hawke patted her hand reassuringly, "I will help you. Is there anything you could tell me that would help me find him for you?"

She blushed harder, "I realize it is hardly common practice, but he is an elf."

Hawke laughed. Immediately catching the woman's distress, "Oh, don't worry yourself. I find fascination with the pointy-eared folk can be quite the common issue. I have someone I want you to meet. He may be able to help you navigate your way around the alienage. He's a bit gruff, but you grow to love him." She waived at Fenris as he was heading their way. He smiled at her and she felt powerful emotions filling her chest almost to bursting. "This is Fenris."

She grinned down at the woman, until she noticed the lady's odd expression. Looking up, she noticed Fenris had stopped in his tracks and was rapidly paling. "Leto!" She shouted running for him.

"Lessa?" His voice cracked.

Hawke's eyes widened. What was happening? How did Fenris know this woman? Her mind blanked, refusing to accept another thought. A cut-purse, sensing an easy mark in the making, ran behind Fenris knifing him as he stole the elf's coin purse. Fenris looked down at his side as if waking from a dream, blood started puddling underneath him.

Broken from her spell, Hawke ran to him calling his name. Kneeling by his side she touched his face, "Fenris, Fenris, can you hear me? Everything will be okay," She shouted for someone to fetch Anders. "I will have you taken home and we will get you fixed up. You'll see."

He looked at her frowning, as if he didn't know her. She felt her insides dying. He clutched at his head as if it were paining him terribly. "Get away from him, you're hurting him!" Lessa cried from his other side. Cradling the elf in her arms, Lessa snapped, "I've been looking for him for six years and you've been hiding him here?"

"Lessa?"

"Shh. Everything will be all right. I will take care of you and things will go back to the way they were." She crooned down at him.

Hawke stayed kneeling as he was carried away from her. Disbelief colored everything in her vision. Next thing she knew, Anders was at her side asking if she was okay. "Some urchin came careening into my office howling about how the Champion's elf had gotten himself injured and saying you were asking for me. I see the blood," He looked down at the stone floor. "Where is he? Are you injured?" Anders's hands started prying at her gown trying to find a tear or some broken bit of fabric.

"He left." She turned her head in the direction of the stairs.

Frowning in confusion, the healer grasped Hawke under her arms and stood her up. "Come with me. We will go to my office and find out what happened."

Allowing herself to be led, she tried wrapping her mind around what had happened this morning. She had just agreed to find this woman's missing.. _fiancé_.. friend and then.. Fenris had.. he had.. he was hurt and he asked for that woman? Lessa? She had called him 'Leto' was this the past he was unable to remember? Her stomach cramped and she had to stop Anders to be ill all over the side of a building. She was vaguely aware of Anders holding her hair back from her face.

Eventually, they made it to dark town and he sat her in the back of his rooms. Sending everyone else out, he sat in front of her, "Tell me what happened."

She blinked at him. "I don't know what happened. I-I.." Her hands fluttered uselessly around her. "There was a lady, she looked like me Anders. I mean really looked like me." She touched her face, her lips. "She asked me to help her find her lost.. lost love. She said she had been searching for six years for him and I felt so moved for her, I agreed on the spot to help her." Her throat thickened and she choked back a sob. "Fenris-he-he was walking towards us.. and I w-was going to introduce them.. but he called her by her name and she called him.. she called him 'Leto'."

She buried her face in her hands sobbing uncontrollably. Anders rubbed her back, "That doesn't explain where he is Marian."

"He's with her!" She wailed. "He left me. He left me and went with her. Someone stabbed him, he fell down bleeding and then she left with him!" She screamed the force of her grief launching her bodily out of the chair she was sitting in.

Anders drew her into his arms hugging her as she sobbed herself sick. Leading her to a nearby cot, he sat her down. "You need to rest. I'm going to do something to help you relax for now, okay?" She nodded. His hands glowed blue and rested on her forehead. She forgot everything for a time.

When she woke up, Anders was sitting upright asleep in the chair by her cot. She rolled onto her back and stared up into the rafters. She replayed the conversation from this morning through her mind. It made no sense. She would go see Fenris and he would recognize her and explain all this so they could go back to the way things were. She touched her shoulder where he had left his mark on her skin the night before. Was it only that recent that he had lain in her arms loving her? Surely this was only a bad dream. She would prove it to herself. She remembered the way the cut-purse looked. She would hunt for him first and if she found him.. Maker help him, she would string his guts from one side of Kirkwall to the other.

She felt a light touch on her upper arm. "How are you feeling?"

"Would you help me find someone?"

"Who are we looking for?"

"There is a cut-purse I want to find."

Frowning, Anders looked at her doubtfully. "I don't know that you would be up to going out and about right now."

She sat up. "Either you help me now Anders, or so help me Maker I will do this by my damned self," she hissed. He held up his hands palm out as if to say he didn't mean anything by it. "He is slightly shorter than myself, small frame, blonde hair."

"There can't be that many to sort through. We'll find him." He held out his hand and she took it gratefully. "Where do you propose we start?"

She frowned, chewing the corner of the inside of her mouth. "I need to go back to the docks and we will check the passages underneath. People are living down there and I would suspect that would be the fastest way to find him."

"Would you like Varric or Isabella to come?"

"No." She bit, then softening, "I'm sorry Anders. Can it just be the two of us? I feel like I'm losing my ever-loving mind."

She wavered slightly on her feet. "Look, eat something first and then we will go. You are still a little weak from.. well this morning." He grimaced at the despair that came over her features as he mentioned it.

"I'll be fine. I want to find him before.." She hesitated unwilling to tell him how badly she hoped they didn't find him.

Anders clapped his hands together once, "Well, let's go see what we can find out shall we?" He gestured to the front of his rooms and they left together.

Entering the docks, they kept to the shadows avoiding suspicious characters. Turning into a side alley, Hawke lifted the sewer grate allowing the mage to enter first. It was so dim, he held up his hand allowing a small blue light to emanate from his palm to light their way. She looked from side to side as they navigated the cramped spaces. All she could see were former Fereldens huddled together sometimes for warmth, sometimes for seeming safety as she and Anders passed them by. Lem stood at the top of the staircase. Angling for him, she waited until others passed by before approaching. It was the way of the undercity. Don't get too close, don't butt into others' business.

Lem huffed, "What brings the Champion to the lowly undercity?"

"Lem, don't start with me. I buy things from you all the time and you know it."

He lifted his chin once in the affirmative. "So?"

"I'm here looking for the person who stabbed their mark this morning." His face shut down. "Damn it all, Lem. You will tell me what you know." She barked at him as she drew one dagger threateningly.

"Oh ho!" He bowed at the waist, "So your true allegiances show themselves. You would draw a weapon on a fellow Ferelden?"

Throwing her dagger point down into the dirt between his feet, she grabbed his shirtsleeve. "He was one of mine that was attacked. I will not see one of my own harmed."

Lem frowned. "I had no idea he was yours." He paused tapping his chin while he thought.

Anders looked askance at her, "What does he mean 'yours'?" He whispered.

"He means one of my companions. I come down here, buy things from him to support people who can't or won't go to Lirene's in lowtown and they leave you and everyone else I associate with alone." She crossed her arms. "At least until now."

"If I get you the purse back and promise the offender will be dealt with, will you leave?" Lem crossed his arms, his stance defiant.

"I would know why you would protect someone that I would hunt down." She fisted her hands on her hips. "I deserve to see him punished myself."

Lem scratched his chin. "See, here's the problem. Lad is one of mine. New. Promising. I would not see him killed for a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding? Fenris could have died!" She growled at him.

"That's the best I can offer Champion. If you would search for him yourself.." He trailed off waiving his hands in a 'oh well' gesture. "I don't rightly know where the boy would take off to.. if you catch my meaning."

Frustrated, she ran her hand through her hair. "You don't really leave me much choice do you?"

He chuckled, "We have a deal then?"

"Yes, we have a deal." She said bitterly. Sighing, "Just.. can I wait here while you fetch the purse for me?"

"Yes." He left abruptly.

Anders stepped up beside her. "You sure you want to let it go like this?"

"No. I don't really. I just don't have much choice in the matter." She rubbed her eyes, suddenly tired beyond bearing.

"Listen, there's something-"

"Here's the purse, as promised." Lem tossed the bag to her. "And I trust we will have no more problems?"

"So long as I never see him again, yes. Should his path cross mine, his life is forfeit." Turning on her heel, Hawke navigated their way back to the docks. Turning her back on Anders, she held onto her anger by a thin thread. Clenching her fists, she could feel her nails biting into her palms and released a pent up breath. Spent emotionally, she leaned her arm against the wall and rested her forehead against her forearm. "Would you go with me and help me check to see if he's okay?"

Anders put his hand on her shoulder. "If you need this, then yes, I will be there for you." She nodded. "Do you need someone to stay with you for the night?"

"I'm okay Anders, really."

"Hawke that's bullshit and you know it. Just.. I'll see how you feel after we see him, okay?" He patted her back and walked with her towards high town.

Standing outside his doors, she felt so torn. She wanted to know how he was, she didn't want to see him with some other woman. But really wasn't that his right? She had forced him to stay with her, if she were completely honest with herself. She sighed and leaned against the entryway. "I don't know if I can go through with this, Anders." She looked askance at the mage.

"Are you even sure he's here? She couldn't have known which house was his.. well squatting grounds."

"I'm sure. Even though she wouldn't have known, the people who brought him out of the docks would have. He works down there occasionally so I'm sure they would know where to send the coin or to call for him if they needed him." She chewed her lower lip.

"You're just afraid to see him."

Bristling at the comment, she turned and knocked. She could hear quick feet on the stone before the door was thrown open. "Oh. It's you." Lessa's expression soured from expectation to distrust.

Anders whistled under his breath behind Marian. "Yes. I came to see how he was recovering and to return what was stolen today."

Lessa stepped back and gestured them in. She wore a tight golden shift making her eyes seem that much more molten than they had been even this morning. Going up the familiar stairs, Hawke worried about what she would see. She paused outside his room steeling her spine, she entered with a smile on her face. He was sitting up in bed with bandages wrapped around his midsection. His color was still pale making his scars stand out all the more on his skin. He smiled as he saw her and gestured to the chair in front of him. She sat and watched as he held his arm out for Lessa to step into it and sit closely with him.

"I, ah, I brought you back your money that was stolen this morning." She held out the bag and his fingers brushed hers as he took it from her.

"Thank you, Hawke." He set the bag beside him and murmured something to Lessa before lying back on the bed.

Lessa smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes. Hawke could feel Anders move up behind her. "Leto was apparently a slave for this Denarius," here her lips sneered. "He tells me you defended him against slavers who were going to take him back, so I thank you. I feel it was a misunderstanding this morning and I apologize for my harsh words." She smiled down at Fenris. "We grew up together in the same household. You could say we were childhood sweethearts. Our mothers knew each other and had been friends for ever. Everyone expected us to get married one day. When he promised to free me from slavery, we agreed that when that day came we would become man and wife-"

"So it's true. You really did find your past?" Anders said from behind her. "When did you plan on telling Hawke that you were using her-"

Hawke grabbed Anders's arm. "That's enough. He didn't do anything wrong Anders." He frowned down at her but remained silent.

Hawke watched Lessa's mouth move and Fenris comment every now and again but just couldn't hear what they were saying. _That's not Fenris any more. He has the same face. He has the same voice. I should be happy for him. He's no longer alone. He doesn't have to be sad any more. He has a future now something he was too afraid to hope for. He has a past again. He knows who he was. He's happy._ Excusing herself, she left the mansion. Anders followed quick on her heels. "I'm sorry Marian. For what it's worth I'm so sorry." She nodded as she opened the door to her own home.

"Bohdan I would like a bath drawn, please." She sat in the chair in front of the fireplace. Cupping her face in her hands, she just let the day's hardships wash over her. It was so hard to catch her breath no matter how much air she sucked into her lungs, it still felt like she was suffocating. When Bohdan came down, she thanked him and went upstairs.

A/N: So I'm tired and this is as long as the other chapters I've written. Hopefully you liked it, if not I'm sorry and wish the next one you read is what you want. Want to thank my husband for giving me some good stepping stones for where I want to go next with this.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters I'm writing about.

A/N: Okay so still continuing in Hawke's point of view with some of Anders's as well.. Anders fans please don't kill me if I foul up his persona in your estimation. I think it's going to be a little trying squeezing myself in there what with Justice already occupying most of the space available lol.

Haunting Me

Chapter 6

Marian felt the breeze off the ocean stirring her hair up. She had wandered out to the Wounded Coast hoping to get away from people. It felt too crowded in the city, everyone was piled one atop the other and couldn't help stumbling into each other at any given moment. She needed space to breathe and think.

"Champion?" said a familiar voice behind her.

"Fenris?" She caught herself, "I'm sorry, Leto?"

The elf looked vaguely embarrassed. He was no longer dressed in the leather armor she had come to find so familiar. Instead, he wore black breeches and a white silken shirt, it was disturbing to her. "I wanted to talk to you." He paused as if collecting his thoughts. "I've been finding that the more I remember of my life before, the harder it is to remember us. I have been trying, but with the headaches.." He trailed off circling his hand in the air vaguely. "Lessa says it's a good thing, that who I was when I was here.." He stopped and looked her full in the face. "Were we.. Well, you know?"

She smiled brightly at him, keeping her voice chipper. "Don't be ridiculous. I wished it could have been more-" She shrugged forcing herself to keep light for him.

"I ah thought I would bring this back to you," he held out her red scarf towards her.

Reaching out, she closed his fingers over it, "Keep it. It's yours."

She turned to go only to have him catch her in his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. "Fenris?" His head bent, finding her lips with his and kissing her passionately.

He let go just as suddenly and stepped back leaving her disoriented, "I'm sorry.. I just felt like.. I don't know I'm sorry." He groaned.

She nodded unable to keep her façade in place, she smiled briefly before she turned away from him. Marching quickly, she could finally let the tears fall. She felt her heart break as she cast a quick look over her shoulder at his figure fading in the distance. He stared after her as she left.

She didn't want to go home immediately. She was sure someone would be there wanting to talk, wanting to listen, she just didn't want to do any of that. This was something immensely private and discussing it out loud.. Seemed to just lessen it's impact in her eyes. She wandered to the opposite end of the coast until the light from the sun was dying in the sky.

Anders was waiting on her in her living room. "I made you something to eat." He smiled at her, "It still feels liberating to be able to cook for myself."

Noticing how upset she looked, he went to her and hugged her. "Did you see him again?" She nodded into his chest. He sighed, pulling her over to her chair, "Here. Sit and get something good inside you." He waited to see if she would talk about it willingly, when no words were forthcoming, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I don't really." She picked up the fork and poked around her plate. "I would just like some time Anders."

"That's alright, I've got a few errands to run and then I will be back."

He could hear Justice speak up inside himself, _You need to leave her alone. You are risking yourself parading around high town like you are. _Anders pushed Justice's voice out of his head, _You just don't understand. She needs me, I will protect her._

He knocked forcefully at the elf's door. He was grateful when it was Fenris who answered instead of Lessa. That would have been vaguely awkward. "Anders?" He looked confused. "Would you like to come in?" Fenris stepped back and gestured into his home.

"You really have changed haven't you?" Anders shook his head in disbelief. "Look I'm glad you're getting your life back, really I am. I came here to tell you I'm taking her from you and you need to leave her alone."

"Is there something I'm missing?"

He sighed, "Did you ever care?" He watched the elf rub his forehead in consternation. "You don't even have anything to say?" He shook his head disgusted, "I'm sorry I wasted any of your time."

"Look, if there's something I can do-" Fenris started.

"You've already done enough, don't you think?" Anders snapped at him. "You left her and I'm going to keep her from you."

Anders didn't stop until he was leaned against the doorframe to Marian's mansion. He needed to get his anger under check before she saw him. _She is only distracting you._ "Shut up, would you?" he hissed under his breath. He heard armor clinking coming up behind him. _They're going to be coming for you soon.. Are you prepared for that? You're putting too much effort into this rogue who admittedly sends mages back to the circle. Doesn't that bother you? Even the slightest?_ "Of course it bothers me, she just doesn't understand what it was like in there.. How is she supposed to know? She's only had her mother torn apart by a blood mage, watched magic drive a wedge between Merril and her clan, and heard Fenris, for Maker only knows how long, talk about the abuses of the magister." _With all that, do you really think you'll make a difference?_

He ducked into the mansion before the armored guards or templars saw him hanging outside her home. It would just figure if he brought down the wrath of the Chantry on top of her head while he was trying to help her. She was still sitting in the chair before the fire, she had poked through the food he had made at least. He noticed the level of soup in the bowl was slightly lower than when he had left.

Hearing the striking of a match, he watched as she brought the flame to her face and lit a fag. Drawing deeply, she leaned back in the chair letting out the smoke slowly. Frustrated he sighed, walking up to the fireplace he leaned his shoulder against it, "When did you start that disgusting habit?"

"Don't start with me Anders." She took another deep drag. "It just makes me feel.. I don't know, better?" She blew the smoke out and stubbed it out on the armrest of her chair before throwing it into the fireplace. "Happy?"

He shook his head, "Listen-" there was a knocking at the door.

Throwing up her hands, "What could some one possibly want at this late hour? Do I not have enough on my plate?" She stood up stalking towards the banging. Throwing the doors wide, "Who is it?"

Three templars stood on her doorstep. "May we come in, Champion?"

She eyed them narrowly, "I suppose so. I hate to think what you would want in my home."

Justice sneered at him inside his head, _Told you she wouldn't protect you. She will give you over to them to protect herself._

"We supposed, correctly I might add," the leader started while staring at Anders standing behind her back, "That you were harboring apostates."

"And exactly what do you think you are going to do about that then?" She stood back crossing her arms before her chest.

The other two shuffled their feet nervously, "I'm sure you understand our position and mages outside of the Circle's control Champion?" He phrased it as a question but it came out as more of a threat.

"I will do as I please under my own Maker-be-damned roof."

"We will apprehend him. With or without your help." She could see his eyes glaring at her through the slits in his helm. "If you will stand aside."

"And if I will not?" She straightened her back, reaching behind her for her daggers. Anders slowly slid the staff from his back.

"We will come back with reinforcements and make him comply." It was all Anders could do to hold Justice back. It was almost painful the pull Justice was using to try to compel Anders's body to move as Justice saw fit.

"If you were to make it back to the others you mean?" Suddenly her intent was clear to the two behind the leader, but it was too late. Striking quickly, she slit the leader's throat and threw her other dagger into the back of one of the retreating templar's neck. Anders threw a fireball and watched the last one immolate before he could even make it back out the door. It was over so quickly. The leader lay gurgling on the floor, blood gushing across the stones.

Anders said nothing. Going to the washroom, he selected what he thought were the cheapest linens from her closet and a few white wash cloths. Kneeling by the first body, he laid out the linen and rolled the body onto it. He did the same with the other two. The smell of burning flesh was absolutely nauseating. Flakes of ash came off onto his hands as he rolled the last one over. The body crackled still from the heat of the fire.

He noticed she was bent not far away from him with a soap filled bucket and a scrub brush. He heard the scrap of bristles on the stone floor as he knotted up the bundles. "I will take care of this."

Marian sat back on her heels. "Anders.. You just had templars knocking on my door trying to find you, and you're wanting to waltz back out their carrying their corpses?" She gestured widely at the door then shook her head, "I don't think so. Just.. Help me get this out of the floor and I will take them from here."

"I don't want to have you put in danger just for my sake."

"I care about you Anders. You're my friend, regardless of our opinions on.. Our opinions on certain matters. I want to see you happy." She bent back scrubbing the floor again. He was silent while she talked to him. "I understand you felt that you were oppressed inside the Circle. I would rather see you free and walking about. Maybe you would find someone who would love you and give you children and you could raise them to know what you know of the Circle. They could be what changes how things are ran now." She sat back laughing to herself. "I know there is someone out there who would love you like you deserve to be loved. Someone who would put your welfare above their own-"

He slammed his hands to the floor, "Don't you see that it's _you _I want to care about me?" He launched himself at her knocking her to the floor and kissing her with all the passion he could muster.

She struggled underneath him. He pinned her hands above her head holding her in place. He wanted her to seek him for comfort. He wanted her to use him to get over that damnable elf. He just wanted her.

"What are you doing?!" She fairly shrieked at him. He caught her lips again forcing her to feel him.

"I love you." She stilled beneath him. "I have never allowed myself to care for someone else. In the Circle, whatever you cared about gave the templars an edge over you. Allowed them power over you. They had only to threaten whatever you loved and you were compliant with whatever they asked of you. I could not allow them to have that power over me." He paused resting his head in the crook of her neck. "They were always there, always watching your every move."

He pushed himself off of her. Crossing his legs on the floor, he leaned his elbows on his knees. "I want you to be happy with me."

Marian rose shakily to her feet, "Anders.." She closed her eyes, trying to form the correct words and failing. "Do what you want," she finished lamely gesturing at the mess. Going upstairs, she heard the scrub brush being used vigorously on the floor. Closing the door behind her, she stood in the middle of the floor unable to move one way or the other. The bed held too many recent memories of her time with Fenris, she couldn't go to the other bedroom it had been her mother's. Pulling the comforter from the bed, she stripped down and lay on the floor curled in on herself under the blanket.

_Anders. Why? Why now? How can you tell me a thing like that when you know how I feel for Fenris? Feel? Felt? Where was Fenris? He wouldn't have stood for this mess she was in now. He would have inserted himself between herself and Anders.. Probably at the loss of someone's limbs.. Instead there was this 'Leto' who was forgetting everything about her slowly but surely. _It hurt so damned much.

He was enjoying his time with her. During the day, he spent his time healing for the refugees in dark town, but at night.. At night he was with her.

He told her stories of growing up inside the Circle and she listened quietly. He told her of what it was like discovering he had this power inside himself, how terrifying and exhilarating it was. He had even taken a few tentative chaste kisses before she went to sleep.

He had a lift in his spirits as he walked in the dimming light of the sun towards high town yet again. It was then that he felt something not quite right in the crowds of people ahead of himself. Frowning he moved closer. He could sense blatant demonic power ahead of himself, navigating the same streets seemingly towards the same destination. He caught a blur of a man above the crowds for just an instant, then it was gone. Turning, he couldn't feel the energy any longer or see who had been emitting those powerful waves.

Dismissing his inner disquiet, he turned the corner and looked at the entryway to her house. The outside was flanked with the crest of her family, lights were shining in the windows. He honestly felt happy. It was like coming home, he thought to himself. Opening the door, he saw she was pacing by the fire with multiple letters in her hands.

"There is something going on here Anders." She frowned tapping her foot impatiently. "I feel like I'm missing something." She waved the letters in the air frustrated. "People are just disappearing for days and days on end, if they even show back up at home again. When they do, they don't act like themselves any longer." She went back to frowning and pacing. "I had thought it was another blood coven.."

"Wait, did you go out by yourself today?"

"Oh yes Anders. I'm such a fool I went looking for blood mages all by my lonesome." She rolled her eyes not stopping her agitated movements. "I just-I feel like I'm close and I can't think of it."

"Well, let me see." He held out his hand until she slapped the letters into his waiting palm. Flipping through them, he saw what she meant. One after the other spoke of a son or daughter, husband or wife who had gone out and not come home.

"The only pattern I've been able to discern is they're all human and they all disappear either before or after they come to high town to run whatever business they're dealing with." She flopped down in her chair. "I've already contacted Aveline and brought this to her attention. She said she had heard of this as well and was stymied as to what she could do. Barring blocking high town off and doing a house to house sweep.. Which she did say that might not even work.." Hawke groaned rolling her head onto the back of the chair. She sighed. "Just how do so many people go missing right from under the city's nose, and hardly any one notices?"

He smiled ruefully, maybe with something to occupy her time, she might forget that elf for good? He felt guilty with his hopes lain against so many other people's lives but shook it off. With her behind him, who could stand against him? "Tomorrow, when I go to the clinic, I will ask around-" she made to protest. He held up his hand to her, "Discreetly, I promise. Maybe someone will talk to me and I can bring the information to your attention?"

She stared into the fire, lost in her own thoughts, "Maybe.." She hesitated to bring up her idea especially in front of Anders. He would lose it. "I would like to see Fen-Leto and see if he may be able to shed some light on-" She could feel the cold emanating from the mage. It made her want to cringe. "He has cleared out upteen nests of blood mages.. I feel it is safer asking him than bringing this to the templar's attention, don't you?"

He sighed, he could see her point unfortunately. That would be all the more fuel Meredith would need for her hunt with apostates. It was becoming increasingly risky day by day traveling by himself through Kirkwall. Walking to her writing desk, he leaned his palms upon it marshalling his thoughts. "Fine. I go with you." She made to argue and he cut her off with a gesture. "Hawke, the last time you met with him you practically had a mental break-down and you're arguing with me?" He turned to face her. "Look, should he have a complete change of heart during your visit, even though he hasn't chosen to visit you since you saw him last, I will walk away and you're free and clear to do as you please."

She could hear the hurt in his voice and it angered her. "Anders, really I appreciate all the help you have been to me. I, however, would like to point out: with or without your blessing I am free to do as I please."

He gritted his teeth. "Fine."

She crossed her arms. "Fine." She rubbed the back of her neck with one hand instantly ashamed. "I'm sorry Anders. I'm just.. a little on edge is all." Breathing out slowly, "I need you to go with me. I need to know.." Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Anders put his hand on her shoulder, "If you need this, I will go with you."

She smiled at him, "Thank you."

His lips twisted wryly, "I will probably regret this." He swept his arms to the side, "Let's get this over with."

Her trepidation increased with every step they took to his home. She didn't know if she could handle being forgotten. Anders knocked before she could change her mind. She listened for the light footfalls of the elf, instead she heard heavy clomping coming towards the door.

A/N: So I have to stop there.. Having a mild decision crisis. Anyway I hope you liked it.. I felt like it went kind of fast myself even though I went over it three times already trying to draw it out.. Maybe it's just me?


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters contained in this story.

A/N: I appreciate that those three people I've been chatting at have reviewed my story favorably. Thank you. For those of you interested in what I'm listening to on you tube (like I wrote on the first two chapters) I can't stop with "Dragon Age 2 - Hurricane". Like the last four chapters.. Nonstop. Crazy. Well, decision made, let's forge ahead.

Haunting Me

Chapter 7

Lessa answered the door her short dark hair held away from her face with a golden shimmering scarf. Hawke could feel her expression souring on her face. An answering look of distaste reflected on the other woman's features as well. "We need to speak to Fenris, he may know something that could help us with a problem we've encountered."

Lessa drew herself up, "I don't think so. He has only just fully come back to himself, I will not expose him to your-" She sneered her golden eyes flashed, "influences."

"Who's at the door, Lessa?" Hawke heard him call.

Lessa turned quickly, hurrying to try to block Fenris from coming to see them. Hawke shoved her way into the mansion and skidded to a stop, "Oh Maker.." she breathed. He was coming slowly down the steps, shirtless she could see his stomach had hollowed and his ribs were visible. Dark, almost black, circles ringed his beautiful green eyes. His silver-white hair clung to his scalp limply.

"Hawke?" Anders called softly behind her. "This isn't natural."

Lunging after her, Hawke slammed into Lessa's back. "What have you done to him?!" She shouted rolling the woman under her. She grabbed the front of Lessa's robes slamming her bodily into the floor.

Fenris hurried down the stairs trying to reach Lessa before Hawke busted her brains out on the tiles. Anders came forward, catching the elf about the waist. "Calm down, buddy. Really this is for the best." Anders sent up a small prayer for himself when he could see blue light emanating from the elf. Then he felt the elf sag in his arms. Kneeling to the floor with his bundle, he checked to make sure Fenris was still breathing. "Hawke.. You may want to give her some breathing room," He looked over to her cradling the male in his lap.

Laughter came bubbling out of the woman's mouth. "You're too late, Champion." A blast of energy shot from her body slamming into Hawke and knocking the breath from her. Lessa's body rose from the floor and melted away revealing the purple scaled body of a demon. Her hair writhed about her head until it coalesced into horns jutting back from her forehead. "He belongs to me now."

Hawke's heart beat heavily in her chest. "Why? Why him?"

"Why him?" The demon mocked her. Hawke closed her eyes, gritting her teeth to keep from ripping out the demon's throat. "This matter really should not concern you Champion. I am merely protecting an investment." She walked slowly rolling her hips suggestively as she moved towards Fenris.

Hawke leapt up from the floor inserting herself between the demon and the elf. "I don't think so."

"Very well. How would you see this end Champion?"

"I will see you dead demon." She pulled her daggers from their sheaths planting her feet in preparation for attack.

"You would? When his life is so tied to mine own?" Her laugh echoed through the room. She gestured with one hand and Hawke heard an answering gasp from Fenris.

Refusing to look, "What deal would you make for his life?" She ground the words out as she stood her daggers pointed to the floor.

"Deal? With you?" The demon laughed again. "No dear one, I do not think that would be expedient for my own life." She ran her hand up her slim side jingling the bells dangling from her breasts. Waving her other hand dismissively, "I have already made a most excellent deal for myself and do not see getting one better."

"What was the deal?"

"I don't believe I need to inform you."

"If you do not tell me, I will kill you and there will be no deal to be had period." She rolled her daggers in a quick arc by her sides.

"You kill me and your lover dies."

"Ask me if I care." Hawke snarled, hoping her desperate attempt would work. "I kill you, he dies, but no one else needs come to harm through your ideations. The Fenris I know would rather it go down that way than to have any spawn of the Fade walking about in Thedas. Tell me demon, how long would it take before you found another willing host to allow you to play puppet master with their body?"

The demon tilted her head, eyes narrowing, considering what Hawke had said. "I don't know if I believe your boasting, however, you do make a fine point. Bearing a body in this world is.. quite delicious." She sighed, "I can see no harm in telling you. There is no way a mortal of your.. limited means can circumvent what has already been put into place." She looked down at Anders, "And there is no way this one will attempt to help you put the elf to rights." Her tail twitched around her ankles, "There is a mage by the name of Denarius, who promised me the self-same markings inflicted upon this elf were I to deliver him up. I was told of powerful allies and deep romantic feelings for this elf." At Hawke's shocked expression she laughed again. "Surely you do not imagine with the stories being told about you they wouldn't have traveled far and wide? Denarius knows, yes."

"Surely the markings were not what the person you inhabit wanted for themselves when they made such a deal?"

"Perceptive. Yes." Her head cranked back on her neck at an awkward angle. Her body shimmered then focused, revealing a pale scarred body of a female mage. Scars and blood splatters decorated her nude form. Her eyes were an impossible electric blue, impossibly long black hair hung curling about her trim waist.

Hawke stared confused. "Do I know you?"

"I am Lessa now." A bitter laugh came from seemingly no where. "No Champion, I would suspect you would not." Her mouth remained rigidly pulled back in a grimace of hate as the words echoed around the room. "However, I would believe you remember a group of mages trying to escape the Circle? Mages that you sent back to an even more hellish nightmare?"

"Starkhaven?"

"Yes, Starkhaven!" She cried, her clawed fingers splaying before her face. "You murdered Decimus!"

"He was a blood mage! I sent everyone else who didn't fight into the care of Thrask. He is a good man."

"Well you didn't manage to send everyone, did you? While I lay on the ground bleeding to death, surrounded by the blood of my friends, a demon approached me and offered revenge against you and all you hold dear for the simple use of my body."

"You could have followed Grace and Alain. They would have at least cared for you in the Circle."

"What part of 'bleeding to death' do you not understand? I would have preferred to end it all on the floor of that cave than ever set foot in another Maker-be-damned Circle again!" Her eyes narrowed, "You murdered innocent people, enslaved the rest, and then you fall in love? What is wrong with you?!"

"I didn't enslave any one! It's mages like you that cause people like me to send them to the Circle! I should have killed you when I had the chance, I'll not make that mistake again."

She made to launch herself at the woman when the demon again resumed form. "Tsk, tsk, Champion. Acting rashly will only endanger those you love. I suggest you leave this place while my patience is still intact. We will be doing the same." She snapped her fingers and Fenris's body hung limply in the air beside her. Hawke watched as the demon resumed the figure of Lessa, winking at Hawke she puckered her lips in imitation of a kiss before disappearing into the night.

Anders came up behind her, "You sent mages who had escaped back to the Circle?"

Hawke sighed, "Anders. I do not, DO NOT, have time for this."

"Of course you don't. Not when your precious elf is in danger right?"

She turned on him, "If you are not with me, mage, then you waste my time." Turning on her heel she ran for low town. Isabella would be able to hinder or watch the ships to make sure that woman did not take off with Fenris before Hawke had the chance to break this spell. _Think, think, think how did this all start? What is the link?_ Her feet beat the pavement as she tore around corners, sweat breaking out on her brow.

"Hawke!" She stopped only when a rough hand grasped her arm and jerked her to a halt. Turning with her fist raised to strike, she saw Anders. Shaking loose from his grip, she stared at him. "Look," He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "I am here to help you. No matter what." She nodded and turned struggling to keep her pace slow enough for him to keep up with her. "What's the plan?"

"Barring an ability to simply transport themselves to Tevinter, I imagine she's going to commandeer a ship to take him to Denarius. I intend to get Isabella and Varric to help me put a stop to that.. Trap her here in Kirkwall until I can figure out how to break the hold she has on him."

"Do you know how he was approached?"

She groaned, "No I don't but I intend to figure it out."

The doors to the Hanged Man banged loudly as she slammed through them. Not pausing she dashed up the stairs. Isabella was sitting on the back of Varric's chair her feet propped on the arm rest. She was leaning over his shoulder watching what he wrote "Ohh, that's good."

Varric looked up from his writing, "Hawke! We were just talking about you." He smiled until he saw how panicked and out of breath she was. He stood up, Isabella had to scramble to keep her weight from bringing both her and the chair crashing to the floor. "Here, have a drink and tell me what's up."

She picked up the tankard and drained it. "A demon took Fenris."

"What?" Isabella exclaimed.

"Why?" Varric looked bewildered. "Surely they know he has a hatred of all things magic? I'd think that would be like a nug-wrangler suddenly thinking he could take on bulls. Admirable in hope, pitiful in execution."

"It's my fault but I don't have time to get into it now." She laid her palms flat on the table. "I need help."

"What do you need?" Isabella came up running a friendly hand down her backside.

"You still know people in the raiders right?"

"Well, yeah, Martin for one." She gestured to the hallway.

Hawke waved her hands negatively, "No I mean people who are still in the raiders. Like the kinds of people who can keep a ship from leaving the docks.. maybe all the ships from leaving the docks?"

"Ohh, I like where this is going."

Hawke smiled at her. "I need you to keep all the ships in the harbor docked no one in, no one out."

Isabella tapped her lip stud thinking. "We will need something diverting to happen. Maybe something huge so big girl can come in and throw her substantial weight around." Her face tilted up to the ceiling while she thought. "If anyone can stop a whole dockside fleet I would put my money on her."

"Varric, if at all possible, help Isabella. What I would really really need from you is to listen and see if anyone has spotted a woman bearing a resemblance to me with a sickly looking elf in tow. I'm sure they won't show their faces until she's ready to depart but.. I just can't be too careful with this."

Varric picked Bianca up from her rest beside his chair, slinging her onto his back. "Hawke if I find anything out I still don't know where to reach you?"

She groaned, "I still don't know where I'm going to be. I'm going to go speak with the Dalish Keeper and see if she cannot help me. She sent me into the Fade once, maybe she can send me again. Where that will be and how it will be accomplished.. I really don't know." She buried her face in her hands.

"Keeper, got it. Listen Hawke," He stopped himself. "Just be careful all right?"

She nodded turning to Anders, "Anders."

He looked up at her, letting his hurt show through for an instant before smothering it. "I already know what you're going to ask. No, I don't think she would have enough energy to transport them all the way to Tevinter. She has a physical body and his to worry about, I don't think she would risk either given the rewards she's after. However, whether they will go by ship or not through Kirkwall? I don't know. This seems to be the best solution for the moment." He frowned. "I don't like you going into the Fade by yourself. Before you had other people with you, it was easier for you to maintain your focus. By yourself.. the Fade is disconcerting at least."

"I really don't have another choice Anders."

He blew out a frustrated breath, "I know." He took her by the shoulders, "If for some reason you should fail, know that we will not hesitate to strike." She nodded mutely. "Take Merril with you when you go to see the Keeper. That woman seems to have a blind spot for that twit."

Even running most of the night, it wasn't until she could see the first rays of the sun that she made it to the Dalish camp. Merril had kept up with her for which Hawke was extremely grateful. She had almost resented the idea of wasting more time trying to find her before she left, but Anders did have a point when he talked about the weird relationship between the Keeper and her former First.

"I still don't know what influence I'm going to have on the Keeper," Merril was muttering behind her.

Rolling her eyes skyward, Hawke prayed for patience. "Merril, how about this: I need you there as morale support and a guide to ask politely for what I need. I cannot risk offending the Keeper and having her deny my request."

"Well, thank you lethalan for thinking of me." She beamed a genuine smile at Hawke. "I always feel so useless and to be needed.." She trailed off. "I really wish it were not the Keeper we were seeing though."

"Trust me, I do too." Hawke muttered under her breath. Passing the hunter sentries posted outside the camp with a nod, Marian made a bee line for the Keeper's fire. Hawke looked around in confusion. Keeper Marethari was no where to be seen. "Damn it all. Can anything else go wrong?"

Merril blushed at Hawke's outburst. "She must be meditating in the forest. I know where she usually goes to pray, if we hurry we might catch her." Nodding, Hawke let Merril lead her down the side of the Sundermount.

The longer it was taking the more dread filled her gut. _We are going to be too late. Isabella will be found out by Aveline and then the ships will leave with HIM on them!_ She chewed her lower lip in frustration feeling an answering headache begin behind her eyes.

The further they went into the forest the less light shown down through the branches of the trees. As it got darker, Hawke noticed the sounds of animals were becoming more and more distant. She became acutely aware of crunching needles beneath her feet as she followed Merril closely. They passed a gigantic boulder jutting out from the ground and there was Marethari head bowed kneeling in a scant amount of light.

The Keeper hearing their approach turned and looked at them. Her eyes glowed in the dim light. "Da-len. What brings you to interrupt my prayers?"

"Keeper." Merril bent her knee. "I apologize but there is urgent need of your help. The Champion has lost her companion to demons and needs your help to reclaim him." She kept her face averted towards the ground as she spoke.

Marethari eyed Hawke. The cat-like reflection in her eyes gave Marian the shivers. "I do not involve my people in the follies of shemlen for no reason. Surely you realize that Champion?"

"Keeper. First, I would like to apologize for disturbing your meditations. However, my companion is not.." She paused phrasing the word awkwardly with her tongue. "Shemlen. He is an elf, such as yourself."

"He is not one of the People, Hawke." Merril whispered frantically.

"Sorry. He is not shemlen, however, he is elvhen. Whatever you would ask in repayment for your assistance I will do my utmost to see it within your reach." Hawke mimicked Merril's bent position, going so far as to plant her palms on the ground in supplication.

Marethari laughed. "For the Champion to bend to one of the People.." She shook her head. "I would wish Merril to abandon the path she has taken, but I believe that is not up to us." Hawke heard Merril's breath hiss through her teeth. "No. I will ask nothing of you Champion as you have aided the People before with Feynriel and the clearing of darkspawn from our ironbark forest. If I can help you, I will."

Hawke sagged from relief. Standing, she explained to Marethari what had happened with Fenris and the desire demon. Marethari closed her eyes in contemplation, "I do not see where I can help you Champion?"

"In the ritual for Feynriel, you sent me to the Fade with three of my companions. I only ask that you send myself so that I may kill the demon in the Fade and thereby break the hold she has over Fenris." Hawke bowed again, unsure of what the protocol was for such situations.

"I see." The Keeper crossed her arms thinking. "To just send you, Champion, no matter how impassioned your plea, is rather foolhardy. The Fade is not somewhere to tamper with lightly. There could be repercussions to one such as yourself who has no regular dealings with that of.. magical influences." Her eyes seemed to seek out Merril involuntarily.

"I have to try, Keeper."

"I understand. I will be able to gather the necessary ingredients and be ready for you at nightfall. Do not be late."

Hawke nodded her understanding. "Is there anything you need of me?"

"Yes. Where his home has been tainted by the demon, I need you to bring me something of his that he is attached to. Something that we can used to hone in on his spirit." With that, Marethari left the clearing.

"I think that went well, don't you?" Merril chirped in beside her.

"Yes, but if we are to be back here by nightfall we have to hurry. I need to get back to the city and into Fenris's mansion Merril. Is there a faster way down the mountain?"

"I can get us down quickly.. but I do still have trouble navigating the city." Merril mumbled.

"That will do. I will get us through the city, you lead the way down the hill." Grasping Merril's hand, Hawke started running back the way they had come until Merril took the lead.

A/N: Sorry this one is coming out a little later than usual. I've been doing a little research to make sure that there are no protocols for what Hawke was asking of the Keeper. I did not want to be totally inaccurate. Turns out I was wrong about the lifespan though. Apparently city elves only live as long as humans and the Dalish not too much longer than that. Although, interesting tidbit, I found out that babies of interracial couplings with elves always turn out to favor the other parent's race. *Frowns* Fenbabies would be so adorable with longish ears.. Ah well. (I made slight corrections to the dialogue with the demon as someone mentioned they thought it was Grace talking through the demon. Grace is in the Circle between Act 2 and 3 in my game. I did not want to confuse anyone so I made mention of them to really drive home that Grace is not there. When the Champion clears the cave of the blood mages, Lessa is one of the many mages that Hawke has to cut down for defending Decimus. I will also mention Grace has light maybe blonde hair and Lessa's is black. Grace's hair is short and in a pony, Lessa's is long down to her waist... I don't know of any other distinctions I can make to make it clearer.)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story.

A/N: So.. I am trying to dig up all the info I can about Dragon Age and it's world. I don't want to misconstrue too much with my blatant liberties. I am also trying to go back and fix parts of my story that I don't like so things might trudge a little in updating for a couple days. I decided to reread after I read from . 's story that FF deleted parts of hers and she was trying to straighten it out. *cringes* Didn't like everything I put up there but I won't take out parts that have already been put out.. just kind of tamper with them to sound better to me. You don't have to reread I won't be altering the whole thing irreparably. Any who onto the Fade or the Beyond.. maybe.

Haunting Me

Chapter 8

"So what's your plan Rivaini?" the dwarf drawled as they hurried to the docks from the Hanged Man.

"Well.. Sink them of course." She groaned, "It will be such a waste of so many fine vessels, but it will keep more from coming in and all of them from leaving.. At least for the moment."

Varric shook his head in amazement, "Rivaini, if you can pull this off it will be genius."

She grinned, her jewelry flashing in the light of the lamps, "I know. I always have great ideas." She laughed, "Maybe Hawke should listen to me more often?"

Varric grimaced, "I don't know Rivaini."

"Well, I do, and I'm pretty awesome." Winking cheekily, "You have learned to swim haven't you?"

"I'm still a dwarf Rivaini. There's a reason everyone refers to dwarves with some reference to stone you know."

Isabella sighed, "I guess it's up to me then. Although I do have to say I will feel better having such a fine masculine specimen guarding my hindquarters."

"Rivaini, you could do a lot better than just a dwarf to cover those up."

"Shush you're spoiling my good mood." Looking out at the boats docked in the harbor she counted four out of five docks occupied. "Varric, can you distract the guard while I-"

"All over it." Varric shouldered Bianca letting loose a volley of arrows on the opposite side of the ship. Isabella turned to him shocked. "What?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Guy's occupied now."

"Wasn't arguing that." She muttered as she ran down the pier. Lowering herself off the end she reconsidered and left her boots behind. The cold water was stunning on her lady bits. She could feel kelp tickling her calves as she swam the short distance to the nearest ship. Pulling her dagger from her back she held the blade in her teeth as she gripped the side of the vessel. Barnacles bit into her side as she pulled her weight up out of the water. Finding a proper foothold, she took the blade and worked it into the seal surrounding a porthole close to the waterline of the ship. "There," she whispered smiling to herself, "just a few more on this one then on to the others."

Pulling the sealant free from the window, she moved on to the next one. "Lovely night for a stroll, wouldn't you say?" she heard Varric on the pier talking to what she assumed was a returning guard.

"Move it along, dwarf."

"I have business here and you should leave me to it human."

"I have orders."

She heard Varric laugh, trying to be quiet she moved down the ship slowly wincing as the barnacles scrapped her bare thighs. "A guard with orders? Imagine that."

"Your smart mouth will get you into a lot of trouble, friend." She heard a grunt and a thump and was satisfied the problem was dealt with. Even with the sound of the water slapping the docks, she worried she would make too much noise if she flat out swam for the next ship. Instead, she held onto the side and pulled her way around until she was closer. She hadn't imagined her scant amount of dress would be a bother, but it was keeping her from floating as well as she thought she should be. Keeping one eye on the dock for guards, she planted her feet against the side of the ship and launched herself forward holding her arms straight out in front of herself to cut through the water easier.

She kept that way, ship-by-ship and Varric's hastening footsteps followed her as she went. Finally, dragging herself up out of the water at the last dock, she flopped onto her back exhausted. "Uh, Rivaini?"

Opening one eye, she could see a light flush creeping into Varric's cheeks. "Oh get an eye full, then go get me my boots." She said wearily. He shook his head, chuckling, as he walked back to the first pier. Rolling onto her stomach she stripped to her almost nonexistent underclothes and wrung her dress fairly dry. "Where's a bloody mage when you need one?" She groused to herself.

"I still don't see the ships going down."

"Varric, I realize I'm not the best example but have a little patience would you? These ladies won't be going anywhere by the time the sun rises.." She looked up at the moon's position in the sky. "We have some time before Aveline comes charging down here like a bull in a china shop. You want to play diamond back 'til then?"

"Isabella, I think you read my mind."

It was already noon by the time Hawke reached High Town. People were running the streets, merchants guarding their wares, and guards by dozens trying to corral it all. "Oh Maker," She breathed. "Isabella and Varric must have really gotten the job done I suppose."

"What could Isabella and Varric have to do with this mess?" Merril quizzed beside her.

"Merril.. Just never mind, Merril. Let's go get Fenris's things and hope they're enough for Marethari." Taking the small female's hand inside her own, Hawke dodged when she could, knocked people out of her way when she couldn't. She felt vaguely guilty for the mayhem she had caused, but steeled her resolve with thoughts of Fenris.

"Hawke! Hawke!" Marian cringed at the sound of Aveline's booming alto behind her.

"That's Aveline, don't you think she'll be angry with us if we don't stop?"

"Merril, so help me Maker," Hawke stopped and turned.

"Hawke, everything is in shambles. The ships are sunk in the harbor, the templars are convinced it is an attack by the Orleasians, and people are rioting in the streets. I need your help here."

"Aveline, usually nothing would stop me from helping you, but I really have to go." Hawke turned to run.

The Guard-Captain grabbed her by her shirt sleeve. "Hawke, this is no time to be joking. I really need your help here."

"Look, I am really sorry for all this-"

"What?" Incredulity lit her features. "You? You caused this? How?"

Hawke shook Aveline's grip from her. "Right now I can't explain. You can arrest me when I get back I'll come gladly and tell you everything, but right now I have to go." Merril gasped as Hawke burst into a full sprint, not releasing the elf from her grasp. "I'm really sorry Aveline," she called over her shoulder. The Guard-Captain stood in the middle of the hordes staring after her.

Racing past her own house, she could see guards posted outside her home deterring looters. A stab of guilt punched her in the gut. _Aveline, thank you. I have no idea where to even start, but I will make this up to you._ She bound up the stairs in three large strides, Merril panting beside her. Seeing the entrance to Fenris's mansion left wide open she felt her stomach drop. _Oh Maker, let them not have found anything I need from in there._ Going inside, she looked around noticing that not much had changed. _Maybe others had stepped in and thought it had already been ransacked? Bless you Fenris for living like such a slob._

"There's someone upstairs, lethalan." Merril whispered. Hawke strained her ears but could hear nothing. She nodded putting her finger to her lips and drawing her daggers. Making her way delicately around the trash and broken bottles littering the stairwell, she pressed her back to the wall beside his room. She could now here muted curses and shuffling around as someone poked through Fenris's things. Taking a quick peek, she could see it was a male looter trying to fit Fenris's armor onto himself. Rather unsuccessfully.

Quietly, she came behind him and stuck the point of her dagger in the small of his back. He froze. "You will put that down and anything else you may have picked up from this mansion."

"Champion?"

"If you do not do as I say _immediately _it really will not matter who I am will it?" He nodded mutely and dropped the armor. Pulling his pockets out she saw various rings and trinkets hit the floor. "Anything else?"

"Nothing serrah I swear it." She could see the sweat beading on the back of his neck. Stepping back she motioned for him to leave. Not taking another glance, he turned and almost knocked Merril down in his haste to get away.

"Oh good." Merril sighed behind her. "I was worried maybe they had made off with all his things.." She looked around. "Although looking at the place, I do have to say I'm not surprised much is missing."

Picking up his armor off the floor, she dusted it off. She spotted his great sword propped up against his bedpost and laughed. "It's as if everything out there is madness and in here nothing is happening."

"But, Hawke, that is what's happening." Merril spoke up.

"I know, I know." Picking up his weapon, she slung it across her own back and tucked his leathers into her pack.

Merril stepped lightly down the stairs. Peeking through the door cautiously, "Hawke, Aveline is right outside. I think she followed us and is waiting for you."

"Damn it all." Hawke cursed. Chewing her lower lip, she thought of the layout of the mansion. "We will go through the cellar, Merril. We should end up somewhere in Dark Town and I can't imagine there are many people there right now." She nodded to herself. "Yes. This will work out better any how."

"Oh good. I shouldn't have worried, you always have a plan." Merril smiled up at her winningly.

Traipsing down the stairs, Hawke tried to keep from knocking over several bottles. "Does he drink much?" She heard Merril ask from behind her and rolled her eyes.

"I didn't think it was this much I have to admit. Now please, at least until we get out of here, be quiet Merril."

"Oh. Sorry."

Hawke rolled her eyes. In the dimly lit cellar, she poked around until she found the trap door she was looking for. Prying the door open, she heard thunderous footsteps above their heads. "Hurry, Merril. Through here." She panted as she held the door aloft for the female. As soon as Merril had passed through, she ducked in quickly herself. Pulling it firmly shut above her, she took one of her daggers and jammed it into the wood of the door and the jamb effectively cutting off pursuit for quite a while she hoped.

When they stepped out into the dimness of Dark Town, Hawke breathed a sigh of relief. There were no looters here, it was eerily silent as they traveled out of town through one of the tunnels in the back of the slums. "I don't think I've ever seen this place without looters," Merril commented. "It's almost nice."

Hawke laughed. Merril turned her head, "I didn't realize I said anything funny?"

"It's really not Merril. I think it's just stress."

Breaking out into the bright sunshine of the Wounded Coast caused them both to have to shield their eyes. "Oh good. We aren't too far away now, Hawke." Merril smiled at her. "We will have poor Fenris up and running like new in no time."

Taking Merril's proffered hand, Hawke jogged to keep up with the elf's lead.

As the sky began to lighten, Varric could see that half the ships were already sitting on the bottom of the harbor. The other half were well on their way to the same situation. From their vantage point above the fracas with the sailors and guardsmen trying to sort out the confusion, they heard before they saw the Guard-Captain coming to the quay with a righteous fury. "Uh Isabella?"

"Don't choke out on me now, Varric. Not when I'm winning fair and square."

"This is kind of important." The dwarf set down his cards and moved to the edge of the roof they were squatting on. "Aveline's here." He said quietly.

Isabella picked up his hand. "Damn it, Varric. I would have beaten you." She groaned as she moved closer to the edge with him.

Varric's golden eyes followed Aveline as she barked orders to her men, separating her guardsmen from the sailors and starting an inspection of the ships. At least, all that could be accessed above the waterline. "Is there any way for her to fix this?"

"In a few months' time maybe. Those babies are not coming out of the water without serious man power." Isabella purred. "Even when they do come out, a lot of them will have to be overhauled. Expensive. Not everyone has that kind of coin to bandier about."

Varric nodded, "True enough. Although I would guess by now Hawke has enough to build her own fleet if she chose."

Isabella sighed heavily. "I know. The little hussy never comes to play cards for me to fleece her out of any of it either." She huffed.

Varric laughed quietly. "If you asked she would buy you a new ship you know. You're friends and there's nothing Hawke wouldn't do for her friends."

"I understand that, Varric." Isabella frowned, "But I will not have her incur another debt on my behalf. Fenris tells me all the time 'I don't know why Hawke saved your ass'." She shook her head. "I don't know why she did either. Sometimes I wish I had never come back." She scooted away from the edge lest Aveline spot them from her vantage point on the ground. "With the money I would have gotten from the Tevinters, I could have had my pick of ship or crew."

"You would have regretted it, Rivaini."

"Maybe." She waived her hand dismissively. "Granted it wouldn't have been nearly as fun as watching Aveline pull that ginger hair of hers out of her head trying to fix this." Isabella smiled.

"Should we go down there and help a girl out?"

"Are you kidding? And have her string us up by our feet?" Isabella raised a brow at Varric.

"Good point. She does tend to terrify every person within arms reach. Personally I think that's why Donnic married the woman: too scared to do any thing else." They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Sobering, Isabella studied the fading stars. "Maybe we should go to Hawke's mansion. She really wouldn't thank us if we let anything happen to those dwarves of hers."

"What do you imagine is going to happen?" Varric frowned.

"The ships in the harbor all sunk, Varric. Some one is going to see the opportunity here and come knocking.. probably with a sledge hammer."

Marethari took the great sword and armor from Hawke. Laying them beside a bed hastily erected next to her fire, she indicated for Hawke to lay down on it. "This will be dangerous, Hawke. Da-len, are you going with her?"

Hawke shook her head. "No, Keeper. Merril is staying here in case someone comes looking for me."

The sage elf nodded her head in acquiescence. "As you wish human." Turning to her former First, "Help me with the preparations then, Da-len."

Marian closed her eyes, hearing the two females chanting in elvhen above her. Feeling her consciousness slip away from her body was disconcerting, but not as startling as the first time. She felt ground solidify beneath her feet and opened her eyes. The black city was visible just beyond the island she was currently standing on. Blue veins of lyrium deposits were scattered here and there amidst the depressing landscape.

"Hawke?!" She turned confused at hearing a familiar voice.

A/N: Sorry this took so long to post. I've been out of town the past few days. Can't even begin to explain how tiring 8 hour drives are. Any way, hope you liked this one. Review if you want to, lurk if you don't.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within. They belong to Bioware and the hearts of millions of admirers world-wide.

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update. It will take me another week for the next chapter as well. Once I'm done with orientation at work things will go back to the way they started (hopefully). Anyway, thanks to the people who put me on alert, thanks as always to the few who appreciatively review my musings, and thanks to the lurkers whose numbers I look at a lot.

Haunting Me

Chapter 9

"Hawke!" Feynriel stood in the middle of the island by an oddly shaped pedestal.

The rage she had been dealing with for days came rushing forward. _He did this? I spared him and sent him to the Imperium and THIS is how I am repaid?_ She drew her daggers and stalked forward with every intent of slaughtering him into an unrecognizable lump of flesh.

Noticing her change in demeanor, he dropped his staff and stepped back, hands held before his angular face. "Please just hear me out."

She drew back her right dagger, "You have exactly three seconds to get my attention."

"My master and I were hired for our talent to track down this particular elf by a magister, Hawke. I had no idea he was involved with you until I came into his mind this afternoon. I waited for you. My master has already done everything, I was just supposed to look at the structures and see how they fit together. When I saw it was someone of import to you I tried undoing it, but I am not strong enough for the demons my master summoned to this mind." As he spoke, he knelt down in the dirt and cast his blue eyes onto the ground. His hair was longer, lying in a braid down his back. The robes marked him as someone important in Tevinter, not a magister, but not to be ignored either.

She lowered her daggers a fraction, "You would help me free him? At the risk of angering your master?"

She saw his head bob as he cautiously sat back on his heels to look up at her. "You freed me from slavers. You wouldn't kill me and make me tranquil even though I begged you for it. You have cared for my mother in my absence. I can repay you for these things you have done for me, if you will let me live?" He gestured towards her weapons and she lowered them to her sides. Rising to his feet, "Do you need me to explain anything before we get started? This will be slightly tricky navigating with another.."

Holstering her knives, she ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "What must I do?"

"Since I am learning, my master left these for me to follow," He pointed to the twisted white pedestal behind them. "He also left a lot of the previous memories available for me to see how he manipulated-" He noticed the red flush creeping up Marian's neck and switched tactics. "We will go from island to island, fighting the demons guarding the memories of your comrade and destroying them. Once they are gone I will be able to restore his previous memories. However, I do not have enough skill to erase the ones my master planted. I do not know how this will affect your friend."

Hawke chewed her lower lip thinking. "Will this damage him? Will he come back to who he was?"

"Well, I can say that either he will live with horrible memories about what actually happened, what he thought was happening, and what he had done before all this. Or he will remember nothing up to a few weeks before this incident. Honestly, I have never meddled this deep within someone's psyche." He paused rubbing his chin, "I don't think this will physically harm him. Mentally, however, he might not recover as well as one would hope."

"Well," She swept her hand towards the pedestal, "let's get on with it then."

"There's something else you might want to consider first." He hesitated, staring off towards the black city. "There are memories here that you might find... unpalatable. You will hear things and see things running through his mind. They are," He swallowed. "Almost horrific some of them."

"I will handle it. He needs to be freed and now." She marched towards the pedestal, stopping outside the blue lines of magic etched into the floor around it. Feynriel stepped up beside her and took her hand in his. She nodded as he caught her gaze. Placing his free hand upon the dais, she felt her spirit sucked up into a vacuum. If it weren't for being able to feel Feynriel's hand inside her own she thought she would have been lost. Slowly, it seemed, the world stopped spinning and she was deposited unceremoniously upon the tiled floor of a palatial home.

Looking around, things were still grey and shifty in the fog, but she could see the thatched roof and hear the ocean waves beating upon rocks. Feynriel stepped to the side as ghostly children ran past his legs. "Varania, mama should be out back," called the little boy. Only then did she notice that it was a child Fenris. His pointed ears stuck from his head impossible not to notice, his hair long and braided down his back. It was impossible to tell color in this colorless world but she imagined the heated flush in the child's cheeks a lightness in his olive green eyes.

The sister was a head taller with her hair pulled in a bun. "Leto, you must stop-"

"Follow them." Feynriel called as they ran further down the hallway. As the children passed doorways, they opened allowing servants to flood out and attack Hawke and Feynriel.

Hawke cut through one shadow servant after another. Some of them wielded knives, some swords, all banished easily. Hawke blew out a breath as they ran after where the children had gone. "What was all that?"

"His mind recognizes we are not a part of it. It will attack." Feynriel let out a burst of flames engulfing the next room. The screams sounded so real from these memories of people. "Do not worry. This will not affect his actual memory of the incident."

She was about to ask him what he meant by 'incident' when she almost ran through the ghostly children. They were silent, staring out the door. Muted whacks were heard from the hallway. Curious, Marian stepped around them to the outside. An elvhen woman was tied to the lowest branches of a tree by her blouse. Her back was bare and facing where Marian was standing. A large man stood to her side with a long wooden paddle, swinging it and nailing the woman repeatedly. She moved to stop this abuse when Feynriel grabbed her by the shoulder. "These are his memories. You cannot change them now."

She shook free. "Is there nothing I can do?"

Feynriel looked at her and sighed. "You cannot change the past, Hawke."

The children cowered by the doorway seemingly unable to stay but unable to leave as well. Her heart broke for them.

Fenris's mother stayed upright and silent through her beating. Hawke approached the woman and watched the grimaces of pain with each landing blow. Tears streamed down her face. _She must know her children are behind her. Could I be this strong if I were in the same position? Could I submit quietly while I was humiliated in front of my children?_ She shuddered thinking of it. She would never be able to submit quietly and let another rule her life for her. The guard apparently finished his punishment and untied the woman's clothing from the tree branches. Her body slumped into the grass limply. The children waited until the man passed them before running to their mother. Hawke covered her eyes before turning to Feynriel. "Take me to the demon ruling this memory." She stalked past him into the hallway.

"I would have thought it was this way." He murmured. She nodded briskly and allowed him to lead her. His hand trailed the walls as they walked back the way they had come. _If that was the memory that came to him the night he was with me.. I can't really blame him for leaving. It hurt just seeing the memory and it wasn't even my own. How would it feel knowing I was there and my mother was being beaten and I could do nothing for her?_

They entered into the central room. It was large and spacious with little ornamentation. She looked around and myriad images of his childhood, growing up in slavery, were roving about the room. He was lined up with other children against one wall in short pants and a tunic. They each bent with a large towel in their hands and ran with it pressed to the floor from one wall to the other. That disappeared only to have him appear again with daggers in his small hands leaping at an instructor. The tutor parried the inexperienced attack and sent Fenris flying back to land hard on his side. Her eyes ate up each memory as it appeared. Another attack scene. A beating. Serving at a party. Sitting by the fireside with his sister.

Then all the images of Fenris left and the guard who had beaten his mother stood in the middle of the room. He was far more substantial than he had been outside. "Feynriel? You should not be in here. Your master already set me up nicely in here."

"We are here to stop you, demon." Hawke spat out.

Feynriel fingered his staff strapped to his back. "Be careful, Hawke." He whispered behind her.

The form of the guard melted away to reveal a giant purple demon with several great horns protruding from his head. His spider-like eyes followed her as she moved from side to side slowly getting closer to the demon. "What could possibly bring a so obviously non-magical being such as yourself into the Fade, mortal?"

"You should concern yourself more with your imminent demise, demon." With that she leapt and struck a blow into the side of its neck. It roared and knocked her back with its massive forearm. Feynriel threw a blast of energy at it breaking its focus on her. She ran and thrust both her daggers into its lower back. Howling, it swept its arm around and caught her about the side of her head. It drew a fist back to pummel her as she lifted her legs and threw herself up from the ground. Launching herself headfirst at the demon, she pulled a flask from her belt and dropped it. The smoke allowed her to roll through his large thighs and pierce his back once again. Feynriel called down fire from the sky and bursts of it landed all around her and scorched the demon. Climbing up his scarred and scaly body, she stood on his shoulders grasping his horns with one hand as she drew her dagger and stabbed down into the monster's eyes repeatedly. He swatted for her and missed before falling to his knees and keeling over. She rolled free of his body and stood up shakily.

Feynriel supported her with a steady hand. "Are you alright?"

She nodded briskly. The demon's body sank down into the floor. When all of it was gone, a blast of white light exploded where it's body had been. Marian tackled Feynriel to the ground, unsure of what type of attack it was. She felt the air burst from his lungs as his back hit the floor. He groaned and tried to speak. "What?"

"I said, that was a barrier breaking down. But thank you for trying to protect me all the same." He sat up dusting off his robes even though nothing could have come off on them.

Hawke rolled to her feet and offered a helping hand. Feynriel took it after they both noticed the drying blood coating her fingers. She shrugged and looked where the demon's body had lain. Another pedestal stood in it's place. "Well, I'm ready to get out of here. You?" She looked around the empty room. There were no more images of Fenris and his life before.

"Maker, yes." Feynriel took her hand once again as they stood before the pedestal. Again, he reached and touched the surface. It took her breath as they were transported to whatever new horror ran through her love's mind. She shuddered and tried to steel herself in preparation for anything. She felt the pull of the Fade. It was odd like there was a string attached to her belly button and pulled forward slowly. It made her nauseous, nervous.

When her feet were again planted on solid ground she took a minute for her stomach to settle before she looked around. This time it seemed they had been deposited on a jungle island. Ox-men roamed the shoreline reeling in fish, crabs, and whatever else was caught in their nets. They were not large, their grey skin not looking much different in this colorless landscape. There were women and children amongst the males here. It was different seeing the same stark features on a female form. Startling.

The blue lyrium veins stood out in stark contrast to the trees and the little bit of the ocean she could see. Moving among them, they ignored both she and Feynriel. "Why aren't the ox-men attacking us?"

"I don't really know."

**HAWKE!** Marian looked to Feynriel to see if he had heard Fenris's disembodied voice as well. When she caught his gaze she noticed he seemed even paler than before. "Okay. So how is this bad?"

"His subconscious is recognizing that you are in his head.. If he becomes fully aware of that fact.." He paused. "Let's just keep going and pray that he doesn't wake up before we are finished. Suffice to say, that would be bad."

Hawke straightened her shoulders, "By all means, lead on." She gestured towards the path in the forest.

Feynriel led the way. It seemed forever walking through the thick of the jungle. Birds with large plumage sat in the branches, quietly. Marian had to keep from checking behind herself every few minutes. _So there are animals here. Its not so bad. Nothing eerie here at all. Just a mild walk through a jungle with crazy ox-men. I suppose we are in Seheron? Maybe. Well really that would make sense. What's one of the few memories he does think of? His escape. _They entered into a clearing where huts were lined in rows. There was only one that was seeing any activity though.

As they neared the busy hut, the landscape fell away. It was replaced by thatched walls and a smoky interior that seemed to be closing in on her. However, no matter how she moved, she never touched the walls. Looking through the white flames of the fire in front of her, she saw him. Fenris sat on the ground with his legs crossed. His lyrium scars glowed in this strange world with a blue light. His hair was shorter than it was when she met him. It seemed almost militaristic in style, but definitely white. He was conversing with the.. Fog warriors he had called them. They were listening to him as they were going about sharpening their weapons, oiling their armored breeches, and cooking meat over the fire. She knelt next to him watching his lips move as he spoke.

It seemed so short a time, then the flap to the hut was thrown back. Tevinter slavers were at the door. Fenris's face paled as he stood at attention. A tall older man walked through the door. _Denarius._ He waved his hand imperially, gesturing at the natives. Turning his back just as quickly left the tent. Hawke watched as Fenris bent his head forward in regret. The Fog warriors were still focused on the flap not on the elf. _They must have not seen him as an enemy._ She covered her mouth to keep from crying out when Fenris burst into light and systematically crushed all of the ox-men's hearts. They fell to the ground, a look of absolute pain and shock twisting their features before death took them. The hut fell away and they were again outside in the village. Women and children ran, the men rushed Fenris. He slaughtered them. He slaughtered them all. The slavers tried to defend Denarius, but they were caught in the flood of enraged ox-men as well. Denarius suffered a few blows himself, even though he had erected a magical barrier, it apparently wasn't strong enough to deter that many spears thrown his direction.

When the battle was finally over, Denarius lay bleeding in the dirt with a healer leaned over the top of him trying to staunch the flow of blood from his wounds. Fenris looked down at his former master, then ran as fast as he could for the shelter of the trees around the village. Once Fenris was gone, the dead villagers, Denarius, and the healer all vanished from view. Feynriel took her hand and lead her back to the shoreline, "I believe my master to be repetitive. I think once we see the memory, the demon will be waiting to 'guide' us, as it were, to the next level of manipulation." She nodded, still contemplating what she had seen in Fenris's memory. It was strange to think of the ox-men having a camaraderie like other races of people. They presented themselves so standoffishly that it was hard to imagine them as caring individuals with lives outside of war and bloodshed. They had accepted an elf as one of their own. That much was obvious as they were listening to him while attending to what needed to be done. They had shared their lives with him and he had killed them all. The only friends he had made before herself and he had murdered them. It was little wonder she was the only one he had told. The only one he had trusted with this secret. Even four years later, this memory had such a hold on him. Drove him, really, to keep others from being set on the same path he had been set upon himself.

As they neared the shore, sounds came back to her. The waves were crashing on the beach. Strange bird calls could be heard from the vicinity of the jungle. Grunts and groans from individuals no longer in sight. Further down the beach, a lone slaver stood, his feet in the surf looking out at where the sea ended abruptly. As they moved closer to him, he came out of the waves and watched their approach.

They stopped a safe distance from him. "I see you are turning on your master, Feynriel."

"I am not. I simply do not condone the use of this candidate for teaching." Hawke looked at the mage sharply. He squeezed her hand, almost painfully to keep her from an outburst.

"He will not see it that way. You will be lucky not to be made tranquil after this."

"Mages are not made tranquil in Tevinter. Unless they come back possessed I suppose." He scratched his chin and looked around idly. "But I sense no demon here strong enough to take me."

The slaver removed his helmet and dropped to all fours. Fur burst out from between the slats of his armor. A maw stretched from his face, until Hawke was seeing a gigantic bear. It shoulder easily reached her head. Spikes stretched from it's body in a spiny ridge. It's eyes glowed red. Drawing her weapons, she heard the demon roar before charging them both. They each rolled to either side to allow the bear through without injuring them both. Hawke threw one of her daggers at the side of the beast, nailing it in the shoulder as it was turning to face them once again. It charged her. She waited until the last possible second before jumping into the air and landing a heavy, double handed blow to it's back as it passed underneath her airborne body.

Feynriel froze it in place with a blast of ice from his fingertips. He concentrated keeping it still as she removed the dagger from it's side and repeatedly stabbed it about the face and neck. When he could hold the bear no longer, he called out unintelligibly from where he stood before falling on his ass in the sand. The bear sensed the weakness in the mage and howled before charging the man. Hawke leapt upon it's back both hands holding one dagger stabbing down and down and down until she pierced through it's lungs. Wheezing, it lost it's footing and slammed face first into the sea water. She kept her knees locked and continued her vicious attack until Feynriel clutched her about the waist dragging her off of the dead beast. "He's dead. He's dead." The elf-blooded mage repeated until she focused on him and dropped her weapon to her side. She leaned over, bracing her hands on her knees until her heart slowed down to a more manageable level. Hysterical laughter bubbled up in her throat. She tried to squash it with no effect. Feynriel looked at her as if she were crazy. "Are you okay, Hawke?"

She waved at him as she caught her breath. "Yes. Yes. I'm okay. I just.." She rubbed her face with both hands, stretching her back. "It was just a little bit to take in, in person, you know?"

Feynriel wouldn't look at her. "He has had a rough life. These are only the memories my master has messed with. There are so many more."

She tilted her head as she thought. "If these are the memories he has messed with.. Why don't they look different? I mean this one was pretty spot on with what he had told me about.." She waved her hand towards the forest.

"The changes are all focused in the center. It is confusing." He paced as he tried to explain. "These outer islands," Here he gestured around him encompassing the entirety of the island. "They are the real memories. When we reach the center, after having traversed all of the altered memories, we will see what my master did with them. He may have obliterated them, he may have added components or people who weren't there before. When we defeat the demon in the middle will be the telling point of whether or not this person remembers what his real memories are and the false, or whether he remembers anything at all of the last few weeks."

Hawke nodded and shielded her eyes as the blast came forth from the dead demon a few feet from them. She tugged her hair at the nape of her neck while she thought about what Feynriel had just said. "Well, I suppose we will cross that bridge when we come to it." Nodding to herself, she stepped forward and grasped the mage's hand in hers before he reached out to touch the pedestal and transport them to wherever the next batch of memories would take them.

A/N: And this is where I have to stop before continuing on with the next bit of the Fade. I hope you're enjoying it so far. Those battle scenes were hard to envision while writing, I hope I did okay. Does any one else wonder how much their memories have shaped their own lives? I think about that a lot myself. Sometimes I wonder if the memories are subjective to myself or if the other people involved in them remember them the same way I do. Thoughts?


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Obviously, as before I do not own these characters. They belong to Bioware.

A/N: So I'm not sure if this will be all Fade as I'm kind of curious as to how long she has been out and what is going on with Fenris (wherever he is being held) as well as Isabella and Varric, Aveline, and Merril waiting with the Keeper. Well, whatever happens is kind of out of my hands. It just pops in upstairs and travels to the old fingers. :P BTW for this chapter I have "Dragon Age 2 (explicit) ultime sacrifice 3" playing in the background. I just love the music to this video (the insinuations aren't bad either). Tanukilady is pretty awesome whoever she is.

Haunting Me

Chapter 10

Marian felt her feet hit solid ground. She took a moment with her eyes closed to get oriented before opening them. When she did, she was startled to recognize where she was. She caught her breath dreading the scenes about to unfold before them. "What? What's wrong, Hawke?" Feynriel asked at her elbow, concern etched in his brow.

She waved her hand negatively in the air, silencing him. Turning, she saw Varric and herself walking in the front of the group. The dark was only accentuated by the gloom of the Fade. Only as her figure came closer to viewing, it was brighter than the rest. Her face seemed softer and more caring than she thought it was naturally. Marian was slightly taken aback by the gentleness and beauty radiating almost in waves from this vision of herself.

Marian moaned as she saw Bethany coming up behind her. "Can we stop for a minute?" The phantom Bethany begged.

"Oh Maker. Bethany." She whispered to herself. She watched, listening as Bethany struggled for air, lying on the damned floor of the Deep Roads. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she watched the sisters touch foreheads before her blade sank into Bethany's heart. Marian and her shadow self sank to the floor. One clutching her precious bundle to her chest, the other trying to keep her crying to herself.

Wiping her eyes, she apologized to Feynriel. "I'm sorry. I thought I was over this.." She sighed as she saw Fenris watching her with hooded eyes, examining her as they worked to cover her sister's body with a layer of stones over her body.

Feynriel's hand lay gently upon her shoulder. "Come, Hawke. We need to follow them. This memory isn't over with yet."

She nodded and allowed him to help her to her feet. "I have to admit.. It is vaguely disconcerting to see oneself.." She gestured to the group before them. He nodded to her as they kept behind them. As they moved Varric dropped out of the picture. Aveline, Fenris, Varric, and Isabella stood to the side of marble stairs. The throne room of the Vicount's Keep rose from the ground around her companions. Blurry faces of ox-men and nobles surrounded them. She pushed her way through the group to watch Fenris's vision of herself yet again.

She heard Feynriel gasp and gape at her as the scene unfolded. The Arishok had charged her and she had dodged. She still remembered the feelings coursing through her that day. There was no way she was giving up one of her friends to those people. Isabella had done the right thing, after all, in coming back with their relic. She didn't have to and Hawke knew it. That kind of sacrifice deserved defending. There were no if, ands, or buts about it really. Sure, she realized the ox-men even being in Kirkwall was Isabella's fault, but she didn't deserve whatever punishment the Qunari were going to dish out to her. Marian imagined it would have been quite ugly. Given the chance she was sure she would choose this path again and again.

Marian watched as her image self leapt into the air and brought both daggers down at once into the Arishok's carotid arteries. Blood spurted and bathed them both in it's sticky warmth. She still remembered the feel of it, the copper taste on her lips. She looked on as the Arishok tried to scoot away from her only to be stabbed in the chest by one of her daggers, effectively cutting off his last threatening declaration. She had looked fierce but still there was an ethereal quality to her in these memories.

Marian kept an eye Fenris from his vantage point throughout the battle. He was completely absorbed in her every movement. She had noticed there were times when he flinched as if he wanted to join the fray and fight with her. Maybe protect her? She shook her head. There were so many contradictions with the elf. He left every time she tried to get closer to him. However, he always came back to see her and never sent her away from himself. Then there were these strange memories of herself in his mind. It was all terribly confusing. She knew she cared for him, but wasn't quite sure where his feelings about her fell in with his reasoning.

The people around the two of them faded away. She recognized the inside of her own mansion. Fenris stalked towards her. Smells assaulted her. A sweet flowery fragrance filled the air along with a deeper muskier scent. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks. _Oh Maker. This must be what I smell like to him. _She watched Fenris meld his mouth to her own and felt a deep pull between her legs at the memory. A flush bloomed in her cheeks as she realized the mage beside her was privy to something she never discussed with any one. Not even Varric knew the explicit details.

She remembered the feel of his tongue warring against her own. The feel of the cool stone at her back as their bodies ground into each other trying to find their way together even through their clothing. She could still feel the scrape of his teeth against her throat. The cool metal of his gauntlets on her thighs as he pulled her skirt around her hips. Each movement played out before her, seemed to be in slow motion, studied from every angle. She glanced at Feynriel, grateful that his back was turned to give her some modicum of privacy. The moans and the little breaths were apparently hard enough to tune out as she saw his ears redden with embarrassment.

She watched as they moved to the bedroom seemingly unwilling to part their bodies from one another as they maneuvered slowly, passionately through the mansion to her quarters. Their clothes seemed to just fall away. She caught her breath at the sight of him. He was so lovely, so beautiful. His markings gracefully accenting his lean muscular form. She remembered tracing the concave curves of his hips with her tongue. She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath as the scene unfolded even further before her. She could see his manhood jutting from his hips as he knelt at the edge of the bed before going to her. His movements much gentled in his memories than they had been in hers. She still remembered the brief pain of him breaking her maidenhead. _He probably didn't even know he was the first. Maybe where he had no experience before either? _She sighed feeling a slight twinge of regret. There was no answer for it now. Trying to explain it to him now would only result in confusion at best, embarrassment more likely. Marian felt her mouth go dry with desire as she watched their lovemaking.

When they were finally spent and laid in each other's arms, she turned not wanting to watch him leave her again. "Thank you." She murmured to Feynriel. "Not everyone would be so courteous." She had a brief image of Varric standing beside her, in her mind's eye and shuddered.

He nodded curtly, his blush raging across his face. "Everyone deserves to have some amount of privacy. I may walk through people's minds but I don't like to intrude on moments.. such as these." He gestured lamely behind himself. When she heard the click of her front door, she turned to watch if anything else unfolded.

The scenery morphed again and again as she saw herself time and again looking at Fenris during some crisis or after some battle. Sometimes just memories of her calling his name. Other times when a smile would pass her lips at something someone else had said. Always her expression compassionate, sometimes understanding. _Is that how I really look or is that how he sees me?_ She wondered to herself.

She pressed her fingers to her temples as she saw herself from behind holding her mother in her lap. Or rather what was left of her mother. The white veil streamed over her forearm as her mother clutched at her other arm. Her back was stiffened with held in pain. She had tried to put on a brave face for her mother as she lay dying in her arms. Her mother was all she had had left. Fenris had already left her, her siblings had been dead to the darkspawn horde for over a year now, her father had died long before the invasion. She had felt all alone in the world.

The scene changed yet again. She was sitting on her bed and Fenris was coming towards her. He gave her all the time she needed to push him away if she wanted to. When he sat next to her, they were silent for a time. She had reached out and laced her fingers with his. He hadn't pulled away at the contact. She didn't ask him for more. She had been afraid it would have driven him away and left her alone once again. She had desperately needed to connect with someone. Marian had yet to tell him how much it had meant to her that it was he who had come to her and not delegated it to one of her other friends. It must have felt so awkward to him to comfort her even minimally after having left her in such a state before.

Finally, the visions stopped. She almost sighed with relief. It was so difficult having to watch so much tragedy in her own life. It had been so close it was almost like reliving it all over again. "It is done." She said quietly to Feynriel. "His other memories weren't like this. Why was I so.. vivid in these?"

He shrugged. "Honestly, my best guess would be my master thought these memories needed to go and Fenris held onto them regardless." He laced his fingers together stretching as he thought. "It would take someone of immense mental strength to be able to keep something that my master didn't want them to."

She chewed the inside of her lip as she mulled that over in her mind. Shaking her head to clear it, she turned back the way they had come. "Come, Feynriel. I can't be quit of this island fast enough." He nodded and fell into step beside her.

Fenris stood with his back to them in the place where she had killed her sister. As they approached, he turned towards them with a light smile playing about his lips. It wasn't until he stretched his arms towards Marian without words that she let out a little cry and ran to him.

He caught her in his arms swinging her up into the air. "You did it Marian. You freed me." His gauntleted hand stroked down the back of her head teasing through her long hair.

Feynriel kept his distance. "Hawke." He tried calling.

Fenris trailed little kisses down the side of her face. Marian sighed in pleasure. "I could never let anything like what they had planned for you.." She broke off with a hitch in her throat. "I just couldn't."

"Hawke!" Feynriel cried out louder.

Marian turned still not releasing the elf at her side. Fenris had his hands wrapped firmly about her waist. "If you'll just give me one blasted moment Feynriel. I swear we will all get out of here together." She smiled up at Fenris.

"Do you make that promise?" Fenris murmured as he lowered his head to kiss her lips.

Before Hawke could answer, Feynriel threw a blast of energy at Fenris. The elf's body flew back and landed on the hard rock floor of the Deep Roads. Marian sent a scathing look over her shoulder at Feynriel before turning back to look for her elf.

Feynriel threw a prison around her, blocking her from moving. "Feynriel. I swear when this spell lets loose, I will end you." She spat at him.

"Think about where you are! That is not Fenris!" The mage cried back to her. "This is the damned Fade! Act like it, for Maker's sake!"

Her eyes widened in shock. Turning she heard the deep throaty chuckle of a desire demon. "Mage. I had thought you would be smarter than this." Marian closed her eyes berating herself for all kinds of a fool. "Your master will not like you going against his work." She glanced at Marian inside her cage. "And _I_ do not like that you kept the little woman from making a promise to me." She stroked the bars of the cage with a purple finger. "We could still be so good together. You can have your man," She changed into Fenris's body. "And I can have your body to do with what I will in the free world. What say you human?"

Marian grabbed the demon by the hair and slammed it's face into the bars of her prison. The demon laughed and spun out of her grip. Blood leaked from the straight nose of Fenris's form that it had stolen. Marian drew in a deep breath. "Feynriel let me go." She said evenly.

"I can't control when it will." He lamented.

"Either you kill that demon.." She began menacingly. Feynriel eyed Hawke as he removed the staff from his back, he needed no further encouragement. Fire flowed forth from the mage in intense waves. Marian could feel the heat inside her prison. The demon howled and released Fenris's form in favor of it's more natural scales.

Sweat poured down the sides of Feynriel's face as he continued to force out the energy needed to burn the demon alive. He ended the spell before it could envelop his own body. Spinning he rapidly pushed out the power of the staff to strike the demon. She evaded, disappearing every time an attack was going to strike her and appearing in a different spot. Roaring in frustration, he heaved the very ground at her and caught her just as she was appearing right before him. The prison entrapping Marian finally dissipated allowing her to leap upon the prone form on the ground. Hawke led with both of her daggers pointed towards the demon underneath her, slamming into it with enough force that she felt the blades go through the body and dig into the stone floor beneath it. The demon screamed as it's body exploded beneath her.

Feynriel let out a groan as he let his body fall to the ground in exhaustion. Marian moved to his side, "Are you alright?"

He blew out his cheeks. "Yeah, I suppose so. Let's hurry up and finish with this. I've been here far longer than you and I'm growing weaker the longer we stay."

She nodded as she extended her hand to help him to his feet. "Maybe try not to trap me again?"

He frowned at her. "If I hadn't intervened, you would have made a deal with a demon, Hawke. Inadvertently I admit, but still.."

She sighed as she supported him with his arm about her neck. "I know. Don't think I'm not grateful. I just wasn't expecting to.. have the temptation be so subtle like that."

"That is why you have to remain vigilant. It's not always blatant here. Not all demons are stupid or blunt with their intentions." He reached out his hand and brushed the pedestal.

This time, the force of their movement knocked the wind from her lungs. She struggled to stay upright when her feet felt solidly beneath her. Closing her eyes caused her world to sway, she gripped the mage tighter about his chest to keep the both of them from falling flat on their faces. "Maker. What is going on here?"

"This would be the effects from my master's magics at work." Feynriel straightened his shoulders emanating a soft blue light about the two of them. His face visibly paled from the effort. "That should help."

The nausea she didn't realize she was feeling, instantly subsided. "Thank you." He nodded brusquely. There was no scenery here. Everything was dark, the air even had a heavy quality to it that she found stifling. She reached a hand before her, certain that something would meet her grasp and she would be able to reveal whatever was hidden here. "What is this place?"

"This would be where my master operated. If you give me a moment to regain control, I can bring up what he implanted here and maybe we can change things.."

Feynriel's eyes rolled back in his head, his body going limp in her arms. Hawke, unable to support all of his weight at once, braced herself as best she could before lowering them both to the floor. She tried shaking his shoulders gently, then when that didn't work more forcefully. Panic became a rabid animal in her gut trying to work its way out through her skin.

- A -

Anders watched the elvhen blood mage hover over Hawke. The diminutive woman had hardly sat down these last three days. He closed his eyes, trying not to worry as they forced water down Marian's throat to keep her body functioning while her mind was trapped in the Fade for however long need be. Justice had said nothing. He didn't need to. The self-satisfied spirit easily conveyed his sense of self righteousness into Anders with little effort. Gloating, apparently, didn't need words to be expressed between the two of them.

The Guard-Captain had sent a letter to them the day before. Essentially, when Hawke awoke, her ass was getting the royal chew out, if not some time in a hot seat before the templars. Just the thought of the veiled threats in the letter made his blood boil. Granted, he felt that the measures Marian had gone to were in the extreme.. he really felt that he could no longer point fingers. Her idea had had it's own merit even if it lacked finesse in execution.

- I & V -

Isabella waited outside Hawke's mansion. Varric was inside speaking with Bohdan and Sandal. She snorted, trying to get _useful_ information out of the dwarves. It was like pulling teeth. Bohdan insisted they leave a letter and when his mistress again arrived home, she would contact them at her leisure. Sandal insisted on grinning vacantly and scratching his ass as if it held all the answers he could possibly need. She rolled her eyes.

Aveline had been a barrel of laughs when she found them guarding the mansion from invaders. She had assumed, albeit correctly, that they knew something about what had happened. However, they had had absolutely no intention of telling on themselves without Hawke present to keep the Lady Bull in her pen. Isabella had no illusions about the love lost betwixt them during the Qunari uprising not too many months prior. The only thing Varric had let 'slip' was where Hawke's body was currently. Honestly, how that woman managed her job without Varric's convenient information was beyond Isabella's ken.

The beardless dwarf stomped out throwing up his hands in frustration. "You would think that she was just on vacation and not in any danger the way those two react to any thing dealing with her!"

Isabella's lips twitched, trying not to smile. "Worried?"

Varric turned a wry grin her way. "Only if we don't find where that elf is hiding. I swear Hawke would skin us both alive if we didn't do all in our power to find him." He scratched his chin and absently patted Bianca with his free hand while he thought. "I'm thirsty. Let's go get a drink while we think."

"Ohh Varric, you know I love it when you talk like that." She purred in his ear.

The dwarf waved her off him. "Cut it out, Rivani, you know Bianca gets jealous easily."

Isabella pouted prettily before smiling and leading the way to Low Town. "Have you spoken with the Coterie? I'm sure that with the right ideas we could get all the information we wanted out of them."

Varric rolled his eyes. "Isabella, with what I pay those people they come to me first in this city with any relevant news. The only thing we know for sure is the killings of the poor have slowed down to the usual amount. No new missing people from High Town. And the price of Orlesian silks is going to go up in a few months."

She sighed, frustrated, placing her fists on her hips as she walked in front of him. "Well with that attitude we really will get no where and then where will Hawke leave us?"

"Leave you, you mean. I am her lovable trusty dwarf. She wouldn't be able to function without me." He patted Isabella's pert derriere, "Although, if you hadn't noticed, she has quite the sweet spot for you too, Rivani. I don't know of many people who would face down a charging ox-man no matter how well liked the person behind them."

Isabella frowned trying not to let the stabs of guilt gain entry to her conscience. "You're not focusing on the real issue here. Forget about me, she conscripted us to help turn this town into a mad house," She paused smiling at the memory. "Granted it was the most fun I've ever seen in High Town outside of the Rose, but if she's willing to pull stunts like that.." She trailed off hoping that Varric would see her line of thinking.

"Then she would be willing to string us up by our toes to find out what we don't know? Rivani, has anyone told you recently that you're paranoid? Hawke doesn't operate that way. She trusts us to do what we can and knows that it will be the best that we could do with the time and energy that we possessed at the time."

"Damnit all someone had to have seen that woman and Fenris."

"Isabella, how often do you really notice elves or dwarves?"

"I notice everyone."

"Alright, bad example. Let me explain to you something about most humans then. They don't acknowledge the other races unless absolutely necessary to obtain whatever goals they have in mind generally. I doubt your common rabble would really notice an elf and a woman walking together. With the way he regularly dresses they would assume servant." He paused just as they reached the door to the Hanged Man. He punched one fist into the open palm of his other hand. "That's it! Isabella, how similar was Lessa to Hawke?"

"Very! They could have been possible twins."

"What better way could there be to get around in a crisis than to look like the Champion with one of your regular companions. People would part not wanting to get on your bad side and voila you have no interference and no one would think twice about it assuming she was there to straighten out the mess."

Isabella slumped, "Does this mean I don't get a drink now?"

A/N: I hope you like it. Here in a few days it will make an entire month I have been working on this story. Review if you feel so moved, I personally think it turned out pretty alright. Hopefully next chapter we see Fenris again . I wanted to write about it but it's not quite time for it yet. Thanks.


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